-"mY Past, pResEnt & FutuRe"-

How Lucky Can I be?

2011-12-15T08:38:00.001+08:00

In the past years, after my previous relationship, I've been through a lot of various "tryouts" with girls who made my life clearer than before. I came to realize that love is just not that simple. It's not just " I love you and you love me". It's more than just that.

It requires a lot of compromising. It takes two to tango, it's not easy to tango, it's not easy to be perfect, but practice makes perfect. There's so much I've learnt in this relationship with my beloved Ee JiaJing and I can't thank her enough because she make me complete.

I lub lub you! *snuggle snuggle*

You are my magnet. My lips are always on your lips or cheeks. *ahhhhhh Piak..Stucked* :P

You always make me so cute.

How adorable are we? Damn ADORABLE I TELL YOU!

Things have gotten much better as it is not as bad as before, we did more comprising and a lot of understanding each other. She's really an ideal girlfriend. I don't know what I can do without her. You are the pillar of my life now dear, and you make me who I am today. I'll always keep pushing myself further and with your support, I'll be heading even higher.

Isn't she a beauty? Look at those beautiful eyes, and that gorgeous smile.

There isn't a day I can stop thinking about her, even in my sleep I see her. I think I'm crazily in love, and I can't help myself from loving her, hugging her and cuddling with her.

And we're now 3 months and counting!

The best part was that she wrote a 100 reasons why she love me! And dear, I can give you more than just a 100 reasons, because you are my everything!

I knewI loved you when I realized that there was no one else I would ratherlaugh, cry and make memories with.You’rethe one reason I wake up in the morning, you’re the one reason I find away to smile, you’re the one person that can change everything aroundwhen it is going bad. Youreyes, your smile, your everything, your laugh, your look in your eyeswhen you talk to me. It’s just everything about you that makes me wantyou even more. I loveyou so deeply,I love you so much, I love the sound of your voice andthe way that we touch, I love your warm smile and your kind thoughtfulways and the joy that you bring to my life everyday, I love you todayas I have from the start and I'll love you forever with all of my heart.

Dear, there are so many ways to say "I love you", but not enough wordsin the world to say how much.I never thought Iwould meet someone like you. Until I met your eyes, my heart jumped.

Being in love isn'tabout picturing yourself with one person for the rest of your life. Itis about not being able to picture yourself without that person for oneday

Before I met you I never knew what it was like to smile for no reason. Some people thinks I'm crazy. Yeah, I think I am. Crazily in love. I love you!

I think, I can say I'm a celebrity! Jk.

2011-12-01T06:35:00.001+08:00

It's been a few great months and I think I'm liking it. I attended 3 huge major events and this is also because of my beautiful girlfie who managed to win/grab all these exclusive passes/tickets.

I've never really attended any of these major events before, and I never really knew how it was like. Being there for the first time and of course, with my beloved Jiajing was truly something I wouldn't forget. Moments like these are just gonna be part of my life.

So here's the first event I attended. It was Hennessy Artistry 2011 that was held at MIECC and how did I manage to get these tickets? All thanks to my girlfie and her bestie who got these tickets from a famous local blogger, Tim Chew ( I think that's how you spell his name ).

I didn't really took much pictures that night but I did manage to snap one with my girlfie before we went into the event hall.

She's really beautiful

That night, it was really happening. I met loads of my friends, high school friends, college mates, working colleagues and my boss was even there. It was free flow of VSOP for the night, so I pampered myself with a couple too many drinks and got myself a little too tipsy. Fortunately I was still sober although I have not drink for a long time. For me, it was 8/10. The performance and entertainment was great, people there too were happening. Oh, there was one funny moment. When I arrived at the entrance, the bouncer ( who was a Malay ) stopped me and so I told him that I'm looking for the entrance ( in Bahasa Melayu, of course ). He suddenly looked serious and he asked me if I was a Malay.

I knew I have this really tanned skin so I get this alot. So I spoke to my girlfie in Chinese where she was laughing her ass off when this occurred but the bouncer still insisted on me giving him my identification card. And so I did. He then apologize and allowed me to enter. Just to share with you peeps.

2nd event, Step Inside The Johnnie Walker Black Circuit Brazil.

For this event, I won the tickets my own, and of course with the help of my great friend, Wae Lern. And so I gotten myself 4 exclusive passes to attend this event and I invited my love, her bestie and one of my close working buddies, Lim Wei Sin.

Here are some pictures to begin with.

Picture Perfect

She's a Beauty

Nadia Heng? Who's that? I don't know either!

And so, we begun our Johnnie Walker experience with the introduction of their liquor, Black Labels, Gold Labels and some new Label which I couldn't recall. After that, we entertained ourselves with their autosnap cameras and also some weird video that has our facebook pictures in it. We also played some metal rod game which lights up if we touch it. Wei Sin and I came across this drink and it taste seriously a.w.e.s.o.m.e.

It is called, For Romeo. Suits me ;)

After that, we went and find ourselves a table and thanks to this lady, Nadia Heng who did not make it or couldn't find her table, we vacant ourselves on her table! Each table has a bottle of Black Label and these Black Labels aren't like those we drink from the clubs. These liquor have really good grades and it tastes really different compared to those we drink from clubs.

We drank whole night long, danced and it was fun. It was just the 4 of us but 4's a crowd isn't it? I got a little too tipsy and caused some scene. Thanks to my girlfriend who took great care of me. Or I think she did. Lol.

And finally, we attended a Guinness Launching last Tuesday on the 29th November 2011. Thanks to my girlfriend who managed to be the lucky winners, I get to enjoy my truly first fine dining!

-I am pleased to inform you that you have been chosen as one of our lucky winners to attend the launch of the Merry GUINNESS on Tuesday, 29^th November 2011 at Double Hilton! You will be among the first few people in Malaysia to attend this exclusive launch and to taste the special GUINNESS-infused Christmas dishes created by MasterChef Adam Liaw especially for our Merry GUINNESS celebrations.-

There's plenty of pictures of the food, it's all on my girlfriend's page, you can check it out at her page. http://www.facebook.com/jiajing.ee

Most of these food have been mixed with Guinness Stout but personally, I didn't really like some of it but it was a great experience to witness a master chef at work.

She means the world to me.

I'm beginning to love these and I really wish to attend more. Can't wait!

P.s. I love my girlfriend! Sorry for being all soppy but hey, it's me.

Title of the day, Love again.

2011-11-19T07:24:00.001+08:00

Something I would like to share with you, dear.

The struggles make you stronger, the changes make you wiser
& the happiness has a way of taking its sweet time.
Life ain't always beautiful, but it's a beautiful ride.

There's three little words,they were dying to tell each other.No, it wasn't 'I love you', it was 'we belong together'.

When it comes to relationships, people are always so scared of the what-if's till that they forget what-is. They spend so much time thinking, " what if i get hurt? " & " what if it doesn't work out ? " until that they stop thinking about things that are already real. They forget the feeling they get when the person they love walks into the room & the excitement that rushes through them when the phone rings cause it might be the person they are waiting to hear from. Never let the fear of what-if stop you from letting yourself take a chance on love, because what if this is the person you're destined to spend the rest of your life with?

Stop thinking of what could go wrong & think of what could go right.

I love you. You annoy me as much as possible,but I want to spend every little irritating minute with you. I adore you.

There's been a lot of ups and downs, but ultimately, at the end of the day, that's what makes you who you are. We all know how to laugh, we all know how to cry, and we all know how to love. We all know heartbreak, but the world keeps on moving, and we keep moving along with it and everything we expierience makes us realize how beautiful life truly is.

It has been 2 months, you've made me feel alive.You made me feel handsome,intelligent & wanted and no matter how hard I try, I'll never be able to tell you how much that means to me. You mean the world to me, and no matter how much we argue, it'll gradually make things a little better in future, hopefully.

Love you dear, Ee Jiajing.

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

2011-11-07T07:31:00.003+08:00


How could you not love her? She's all I ever wanted.

Have you ever tried being so close to someone that you know everything about the person?
Even with bad habits and you still love the person as much?
Have you ever tried being completely yourself in front of someone you love?
Even if it means showing her all your bad habits and not worrying what she would think of you?
They say if you love someone, let her go.
If she comes back, she's yours to keep.
If she doesn't come back, she's never meant to be.
How true is that?

Everyone says that love hurts, but that's not true. Loneliness hurts. Rejection hurts. Losing someone hurts. Envy hurts. Everyone gets these things confused with love, but in reality, love is the only thing in this world that covers up all the pain.
I believe that jealousy and possessiveness occurs only by the act of deep love and affection which snatch ones craving heart. If you have no feelings to that person there's also no sign of insecurities or jealousy in your heart.

Something deep down pulled me towards you, all I know is that you are the one that I cant stop seeing, can't stop thinking about or always need talk to. I need you in my life.
I love my girlfriend. ♥ She's everything to me.

Love is what matters most, indeed.

2011-11-05T09:00:00.001+08:00

Throughout so many walls of barriers, we always managed to pull through. It has only been a short while, but it felt as it has been many months.

What I'm actually talking about is that, we may have our differences, we may have thoughts of our own, we make our own decisions but what I know is that no matter how big the differences, my love for her will never wither.

I may be hot tempered, I may be rough on my words but all in all, it's for a better understanding.

No matter how hot the plate is, gradually it'll cool down. I know I've not been a great boyfriend, and I'm still trying to be one. To be honest, if you were to compare me back with the past, I'm sure you will see a pretty huge difference.

I've learnt to be patient, to think positively and also I've learnt to make things right. Well, most of the time I still get it wrong but hey, I guess we learn from our mistakes.

Shanker always says that only a positive mind shall bring you positive results, no matter what we do. It's true. I've no money, it is okay, I'll just work harder for it. I've no clothes, no worries, by working hard I earn the money and I'll get myself some. Sometimes we need to know how to be positive and bring ourselves up instead of thinking all the negativity that would pull us down.

My girlfriend is a great friend, a great lover and also a great companion. I'm very sure she's also a patient person but not most of the time. Hehe. At least she can "tahan" me, I think it's pretty good.

I'm really a noob when it comes to relationships, and seriously I am. Girls like to be pampered, sometimes I overdo it, sometimes I don't know when to do it. Girls likes guys who takes initiative to make them happy, I don't think I took much initiative to do so. Therefore I still am going to learn, all these mistakes, all these wrongdoings and make myself a better person. * After all the apple juice aloe vera and chatime, kekeke*

I'm sorry dear for all the miscommunications, all the misunderstandings and also the things I've said wrong. We need to compromise, work together as a team. Relationship is also about teamwork, as the saying goes, it takes two to tango. What I'm writing here is to share with you what we could do to improve for our future's sake.

I wouldn't be stupid enough to lose you, I wouldn't be stupid enough to make you mad. Please understand that sometimes we might have our time where things might not go our way, we just have to be flexible. Not everything goes to plan, but we can make do. Sometimes, listen to my reason for you might misunderstand what I did or say. I'm not a silly guy who chooses to anger you or make you feel disappointed.

It's all about communications and I know we might have a different level of language, gradually we'll both be better at each other's language. If worst come to worst, I guess we'll just go to sign language. Heheheh.

My dear Jiajing, this post isn't to mock you or to lecture you. It is a post whereby I choose to share with you my thoughts, not wanting you to get the wrong message that sometimes might get the wrong perspective. I want you to know that I'm still trying my very best to make things work, to be as how you want me to be and I want to be as how I want you to want me to be ( this line very tricky ).

I may be forgetful, I may not be attentive at times, do forgive me. But do know that everyone deserves respect, everyone deserves dignity. It is nice to sometimes ask someone nicely for things we want, even if we are close friends or lovers. I mean it wouldn't really hard to be nice right? I know you don't totally mean to ask me so directly ( I think you know why, :P ). Sometimes we say things that we didn't mean to, sometimes we say things that we might get the wrong idea. Let's not jump into conclusion and take it into a discussion where we both won't build a fire between us. Silence isn't golden. Silence only creates more confusion as the other person does not get the feedback. Imagine if you ask someone, "hey, what do you think of this pie?" and the other person just keeps quiet. Rather awkward isn't it?

We voice out what we feel, it is good to be honest, to be truthful. Truth hurts, but it's better than lies that hurts.

I've always been a klutz, and you made me a better person. You gave me so much expectations, I just don't want to disappoint you. I've learnt so much from just being with you, I won't disappoint you and I can't tell you how much I love you. It's beyond words can say.

I would like to apologize for our yesterday which suppose to turn out to be a great day instead of a gloomy one. I'll try my best, and I hope you do too. And again, just a reminder that this isn't something to "shoot" you or whatsoever, but I am just merely sharing with you and the readers too.

No matter how hard we stir the water in the cup, eventually the water will be calm.
Meaning : no matter how complicated things are, no matter what obstacles we face, we can always overcome it, with our love and trust. I love you, Ee Jiajing.

Take my hand, let's tango baby. Love you.

P.s Already miss you, come back soon from Segamat. Feels weird without you by my side. Couldn't sleep without you by my side, so I'm here to blog. See, I'm using time wisely. hehehehe.

So many things to learn, it's time to pick it up.

2011-10-22T11:49:00.000+08:00

It somehow hits me that I'm literally brand-spanking new when it comes to a relationship. There's so much that I don't know but yet so interesting. There's so much things to do, so much things to say, so much thing to think about.

I always thought I was a very nice, sweet and considerate guy, NOPE. So not that person. I guess this is like a new road for me, to discover and I'm sure it's not going to be a easy walk.

You know, it is sometimes quite confusing. To know what she needs and to know what she doesn't. To know what she wants, and what she doesn't. So all these things I've to take notes and actually keep that in mind because I don't think she is the only one who is teaching me but also teaching me to be a better person and a better lover.

Recently we had our misunderstandings, and also our miscommunication. Sometimes what we say, might end up getting the wrong perception, sometimes what we do, might end up getting the wrong doings. Even so, I always will try to fix it, in the best way I could find.

Yes, I may be hot tempered and also very naggy but hey, I just want to make things right.

I'm Soweee..

And I know I sent this to you already but I feel like I want to share it again. Dear, when you are upset.. to be honest with you, I don't have the words to make you feel better, but I do have the arms to give you a hug, ears to listen to whatever you want to talk about, and I have a hear, a heart that's aching to see your smile again.

There was a day when you said "that Words can only bring you to a point where actions come in to take you all the way" and I know that you were actually saying it to me. I said before, and I'll say it again that I may not be everything that you ever wanted, but I'm always going to be more than what you deserve. I may not be the best, but I'm not like the rest. I'm unique in my own ways, you know it,dear. And I want you to know I'm still giving my best although it may not seem as how it should be.

Never judge its book by its cover. Nonetheless, my love for you never withers and it grows tremendously large as days passes. I love you and I always do, Ee Jiajing!

Almost A Month Of Happiness

2011-10-12T08:55:00.002+08:00

Nothing is perfect, but I'm always trying to make it the best out of it.

It has been almost a month, in fact, it's just one day before tomorrow that we've been together. I have not been happier before in my life. The days seems brighter, everyday I wake up to look forward for something good to happen. I've not been an emotional guy for quite a while and it is all thanks to my beloved girlfriend, Jazel Ee Jiajing.

I've learn a lot from her and I hope she does learn something about me. Although we only have been together for just almost a month, it felt like it was a whole lifetime. Still got to get use to how things works, and hopefully it'll eventually work out. As I get to know her more, she is still amazing no matter what. We all do mistakes all the time, it's whether we want to fix it or choose to ignore.

So of late, I've been thinking of many ways to make her happy. To keep her company, to see her smile, to hear her laughter. She brings me joy and happiness, what more could I ask? I love every bit of her to bits!

Do you see why I love her so much? Hehe..

Picture shows a thousand words, video shows visual AND a thousand words. So I managed to capture some special moments with her and it is never dull. It's funny no matter how many times I watch it and never fails to put a smile on my face.

She always have these deals online where she purchases them really cheap, so she gotten me a really awesome deal at Kalamazoo! Let the video do the talking!

So there is one part of our video together. Here's another when we had our dinner together at Midvalley Chilis.

                              And there was one time, we went back to visit her parents, ( I know it seems super fast but it was just to get to know each others family better and also to find out if I got her father's approval to date her * hehehe * ), she made me egg tarts and cookies!


And of course, a video of our day when we officially became an item.


So now readers, do you see why I'm so deeply in love with her? Picture shows a thousand words, Video shows visual AND a thousand words, my girlfriend? She showed me what love is all about. I'm not ashamed of showing my love for my girlfriend, and I'm sorry if this post offended anyone :D just to be safe. lol. Dear, don't kill me when you see this! MUAKS!

I love you, Ee Jiajing!

And after 12am tonight, Happy 1month Anniversary! Problems, we solve it together, Happiness, we share it together, Love, we each other, Smile, we smile together.

P.s. Dear, I know you will read this, I want to apologize for all the wrong doings I did for this past month, I will work on it to be a better person. Hope you could guide me through and we'll go through this together! Love you to bits.

3 words..

2011-10-05T03:43:00.004+08:00

I love you. 3 simple words. 3 words that means so much. 3 words that carries a whole lot of weight. Being with her is the best feeling I ever have before. I wouldn't be silly enough to lose her. And best thing of all, she already knew. =)

Official. Finally.

2011-09-18T16:43:00.007+08:00

It has finally been official! It drives me nuts thinking of all those ways to make her mine, and I knew mine wasn't the bomb but I hope it really made her feel touched.

We're suppose to go to Pulau Jerejak on the 16th sept and it ended up being postpone due to unforeseen circumstances. So in fact I wanted to make plans just before that date, to figure out what is the most romantic way to ask her to be mine.

Funny thing, couple days before I asked her, we went clubbing together for the first time, and I am seriously amused! She's really hot,sexy and seductive but yet she can't drink for nuts! hahaha.. This is a picture of her before she got tipsy. Don't kill me kays love ;)

And so I forgotten to take pictures of the things I've gotten for her but I could briefly tell you what it is like, so you can picture it. It's a love heart shape box, like a chocolate box but it's really cushion-ny, inside the box I left a couple bear, one brown and one white, a box of necklace and a note specially made by me.

This is the necklace I've gotten for her. Hope she likes it.

So basically on the 13th of September, I made up my mind to ask her to be mine. It was a sudden thought and a last minute decision so while I was working, I managed to get all those stuffs in time. The reason why I picked 13th is because if you say it in cantonese, it actually means One heart. Something that both of us share.Then comes the trick.

I asked my colleague to help me find some fine dining restaurants in Tropicana City Mall while I told my love that we've a movie to catch, from FlyFm. Premier Movie, Fright Night with media coming, dress nicely I asked her. Surprisingly she didn't figure out what my motive was.

So eventually, I got home, late from work and I was rushing. She was already on the way to my house to get ready to go for the "movie" that I've asked to to watch with me. I took the note that I wanted to write a whole lot of things for her and burn the sides, making it look really special. But she arrived at my place earlier than I expected and she came up to my room while I was writing my note! I've yet to finish so I quickly told her to go back down. I could tell she wasn't happy but I didn't have any choice.

Then I quickly finish up my note and burned the corners of it. I'll post up the pictures again when I manage to get a picture of it. And silly me, I totally forgotten that the burnt smell was still in the room and i told her to come up to my room but she didn't. So I guess she must be really pissed at me so I just washed up, clean up myself and gotten ready for the "movie".

She was really cold to me throughout the whole thing, but I told myself in my head, "patiences Kelvin, she'll love it when you pop the question". Throughout the journey to Tropicana City Mall she was rather quiet but I kept apologising to her and of course, she's not the type who holds grudges. I swear I could have seen those smiles around the corner of her mouth before she turns away looking somewhere else.

I brought a bag with me, and to not make it look so suspicious, I put a list of winner list for the movie and a shirt to cover up the box. And yes, she did not suspect anything.

Then I told her that I wanted to have dinner at San Francisco SteakHouse because I was really hungry and she didn't mind.

This is the best part, I sat down with her at the corner of San Francisco SteakHouse and we ordered. Then I pretend that I had a call from my colleague saying that I forgotten the shirt. So I told her that I needed to go and pass her the shirt. She didn't look too please but she was quite the chilling girl. So I left.

I went outside not far away to arrange everything, put the shirt down the bag, bring up the box and walked back to the restaurant. I must be a really good actor because till then she still didn't expect anything and so I told her I brought the "wrong" shirt. She believed. I said I might need to go back. She believed AND frowned. "Now? she said".

I said maybe, because I brought the wrong shirt. Then I took out the heart shape box. The smile on her face, impossible to forget. Mesmerizing and to be honest, I couldn't really see her eyes. Yup guys, you must have guessed it. She smiled so widely her eyes disappeared. ROFL! lol.

I don't think she teared but I could tell she's really really happy. I never realized I could bring so much happiness to one person. And she hugged me, we kissed, had our dinner. Caught a movie, the Smurfs, and eventually went home.

What a day right? It was exciting yet loving. I love her, and I really do. I'm not stupid enough to lose her.

I'll show you guys what I wrote, when I get all those things aite.

She's mine, finally and officially. Mine and only mine. Muahaha.

Lucky me. Lucky her. We're both lucky to have each other. Love you, JiaJing. :)

She's my woman, she's my world.

2011-09-08T21:04:00.003+08:00

It has been almost a month since we last met. Every moment spent together with her is beautiful. Her smile, her looks, her personality or so u can say literally almost everything about her. She's been very understanding, a very sexy and seductive girl too! She has a unique way of expressing her love and I can say that I am really fortunate to have her in my life. It is to be said, like the water flows into a stream, gradually becomes a river and into the sea. Things slowly grew and one of it that I'll appreciate most is our love. Tho it only has been almost a month, but to us, it seems like it has been a long while. I enjoy getting to know her more, though getting on her wrong side of the book is really scary. We all have our good and bad side, so I guess it is a really wise move not to step into the red zone. Everytime when I speak of our time together, it doesn't fail to put a smile on her face. And that is what I plan to do. Make her smile, happy within all my capabilities. Because that is what I can say the most sweetest and the most beautiful smile I ever seen. Its genuine, it's sincere. You couldn't ask for more. What's even better is till now she isn't very judgmental. She's hard working, in some ways :p and she's considerate. Though she has a few bad habits, but hey, who's perfect? :) I love her to bits and that I'm sure of.

I shall be writing more since I have quite some time during my event work as an announcer.

love, Kelv.

She + me = cute. Kawai!~

Words, small yet powerful.

2011-09-06T22:16:00.003+08:00

There's so much thing I've said, and sometimes saying it isn't always the best thing to do. When words hit you in the face, there's nothing you can do to take it back, but to just use words to heal that wound that you left on the face.

I'm sorry, I've used my words wrongly, and I knew that it was wrong but it came out anyhow and it made me felt terrible. I didn't want anything to happen to you, so I made that statement, hoping you would understand I would do anything to protect you from any harm.

I want you to know, my true intentions is to let you know, you can count on me, no matter what the situation is, I'll always try my best. I didn't mean to bring up the wrong meaning and also to anger you. As I told you before in the past, there are things that I might do or say wrongly, I hope you forgive me because all those that happened are things we will learn and not do in near future.

Deep inside, I know you knew I cared, perhaps I showed it wrongly. And it is my fault for being so harsh in my words I used. I'm sorry.

You don't know how much it hurts me to see you like this. I'm sorry and I love you.

You made me complete. Through my heart and soul. Mistakes are done, to be forgiven and to be learned. I.love.you.

Somethings made things right.

2011-08-31T08:06:00.003+08:00

I never knew how doing things with your parents would actually be a great feeling. I always assumed that my parents were naggy and grumpy, always complaining about this and that. But I guess it was all for our own good, as we grow up, we will learn about those things our parents taught us through their naggings.

Today, I spent a little quality time with my dad, as he suggested that we should clean Jia Jing's car tyres. Apparently my dad said it looked really dusty so he told me to scrub it with a brush. And so I did! Seems like my dad really likes her, he always asked me to check the lubricant oil and the radiator water level.

So besides washing the car yesterday, and to my horror it looks like it's gonna rain heavily real soon ( it's 8.11am right now) but my dad didn't seem to be bothered about the weather. He told me everything can be washed so just do it. Then as I open the car bonnet, Jia Jing's car alarm rang so loudly, that both me and my dad jumped. Then we started laughing together seeing how silly we both reacted.

Eventually, I checked her car's sexy body and refilled everything that's required. Not only that, I cleaned her car inside because it really looked like a hurricane inside. I'm really surprised how a woman's car can be so messy when most of the time, our mentality towards women are always that they are neat, tidy and organized. Well Jia Jing is one but not in her car. Rofl. HEHE

And I noticed that it is like treasure hunt in her car. You can find at least 6 pair of heels, a couple of books, a bunch of charcoal wrapped with newspaper, a old 100plus bottle, empty sweet box and many more! Don't mind me mentioning here ya :P
Her Lost Treasures.

So eventually we made everything looked like super clean+neat+nicer?

I had a great time with my dad, kinda like the first time we actually had fun doing something together. He's a fun guy, after all I'm just as fun as him. Just not as bald as him. Lol. Sparkling Clean. See the twinkle?

So here I am writing this post, for my beloved girl who is currently not feeling well and sleeping right now, hope this puts a smile on your face on this beautiful day.

P.s ~ Webcamming has never been more fun,till I met her.

Kaya ball rocks.

Simple

2011-08-30T20:47:00.001+08:00

Just a short simple post to show that distance makes us bond even stronger. Hope she's enjoying herself right now, while I'm sitting down here thinking about what to do for Merdeka Eve night.

:)

Honesty.

2011-08-29T06:46:00.002+08:00

We all live our life in the way we choose to be and sometimes in order to get what we want, we use this word called "lies".

I've never been a perfectly honest guy in all my life. Maybe just a while when you come out from your mother's womb, that would be your first phase of life where we start our lives. Then as we grow older, sometimes we use lies to escape from trouble, or to get what we want.

I've lied many times before and lies will never run from you. What we lie, will continue to be with us for life. So then, I chose to make a choice. To be bluntly honest and straightforward.

Having this kind of personality wouldn't really be the perfect choice but it beats being a liar. This happens in all relationships, whether in our families or relationships.

So, what I appreciate most is the truth and honesty that would most likely be the cause of pain and happiness. For me, in most of my relationships or with the people, I always tell this to the people I care and love. My favorite line would be this, " I rather you be honest and tell me the truth, tho truth hurts like hell, but imagine finding out the truth for ourselves, it hurts more than just hell."

We make amends for the lies we make, and then we live on.

What she shared with me last night, was a good start to a new beginning. Hopefully things will continue on like that, and it will gradually grow between us. Not only just love, but the trust we build from a scratch. I truly appreciate her a lot, for clearing so much things and that would make me a better person too.

I used to be lied to so many times, till I don't know how to trust anymore. I became insecure and sensitive towards almost everything a girl does. In a way you can put it that I've became tremendously jealous and over possessive. It was difficult, being that person. But years gone by, and I'm a changed man.

I learnt that through all those that I've been through, I would become a better person in life. I was surprised, even to myself that I was able to overcome that insecure, over possessive personality. She made me different. She made me whole.

I guess that missing part of my life, that missing puzzle, I found the missing piece. It fits just right into that hole of emptiness. Whether she makes me complete, that is up to us right now. Our world, our story and our love begins from the moment we set our eyes upon each other.

We have our differences, but those differences made us bond even closer. But nothing beats our differences with the common things we have together. Our sense of fashion, food and love.

Like people say, don't look for love, let love find you. And I think it did. Thank you, it's been a while since I've been alone. She's like the light in the dark.

There's a favorite line I liked in her blog, "Yeap. It has been two weeks and still it’s awesomely awesome! He is awesome. And I am awesome too! "

Yup, we're awesome-ke-pawsome lovers.

Even more awesome than superman. HEE. Nights people.

P.s. Hope she comes back real soon. "Dear Jiajing, It's been a while since I last saw your smile, I want to make it the 81th time. Love, Kelvin"
(Sorry, only Jiajing knows this line :P )

B.L.O.G

2011-08-28T09:19:00.003+08:00

What does blog actually means? What I've gotten from wikipedia, blog is a type of website or part of a website. Blogs are usually maintained by an individual with regular entries of commentary, descriptions of events, or other material such as graphics or video.

I've never, NEVER blogged so much before and it's totally different when you know someone's going to wake up and the first thing that special "someone" will do is to read my blog. It touches me so deep that I knew that the least I could do is just continue writing.

I do know that my english isn't exactly the best, but I guess if you can read this so far, I'm sure it's just alright. LoL. So here's my daily newpaper to you everyday if I could, for you to read and for me to put that smile on your face. 78th time yes? :P

When I read her blog, somewhere deep inside my heart felt so warm, the feeling of being wanted, the feeling of being loved for just the way you are. It's a whole new feeling, something that I dare say I've never gotten before.

Everytime she blogs, every post she wrote, I have butterflies in my stomach. She makes my stomach whirl like a wind, and it gives me goose bump. Not because every word she writes in her blog is scary or frightening but it's because every word she writes in her blog carries so much weight that I could feel it deep inside me.

Tho we're miles apart, our heart is forever together. =)

I'm crazily in love with her.

Picture perfect. We're indeed chocolate banana. ;)

It's been 2 weeks..

2011-08-27T08:41:00.002+08:00

I watched a movie, called Dear John, and it really made me feel like I'm just like John in his shoes.

It is a very interesting story, but most unfortunate that I couldn't watch it all because I was too tired. What I love most was this, " It only has been two weeks, and it felt like it has been a year." The same scenario happens right now between me and JJ!

The time we spent together, although it may be for a short moment as how others may have seen it, but when we are together, it really does seem like it was like we've been through so much together.

We do have our differences but I can tell you how much crazy things we have in common. Food, taste in fashion, our thoughts, it is really crazy ya know? For me, it only has been two weeks, but that two weeks carried so much weight of memories to begin with.

It's like you carry a whole bunch of unfix puzzle and carry all those pieces together and gradually placing those pieces as how it should be. I don't think that time is exactly something we can say we have spent much together, but what I can say is that the time we spent together is something that we'll both treasure.

As I open my eyes, every time I woke up, I always asked myself, am I that fortunate to have found someone who loves me for who I am,not what I am. She's a gem, something I would treasure and keep it as long as I can. I hope she does the same for me too.

I won't be able to find anyone to replace her, because she is she, one in a million. Unique and special, sweet and hot. Awesome combination, that suits me just fine.

Love,
Kelvin.

I'm back!

2011-08-26T02:54:00.003+08:00

Hey people, I'm back. It's been a really busy week for me, hectic week and also one of the best weeks of the month.

I've been working a lot and of course, spending much time with her, JJ.

I think in the previous posts, I kinda missed out one of the most important parts where she really made me felt so touched and wanted. It sort of started when I told her that I had an emcee job, it was my first and it was alright I guess.

My emcee job was held at Midvalley Conventional Hall and it was for an event that sells gadgets and many awesome inventions. I had a hunch that day tho, felt like I knew something good was about to happen but I was more concern about my emcee job. I didn't want to screw up my first time, as it would be a good platform for me so I could improve myself in near future. To build up my charisma and confidence too!

So it all started as I got up the stage and begun my emcee job. We were talking, playing games with the crowd and it is really amazing how "difficult" it is to give away FREE freebies! People are shy and some are so afraid of coming up to the stage! But it's understandable tho, imagine the whole crowd watching you doing something embarrassing.

And suddenly, in the middle of the crowd, there she was, sitting down there smiling at me. It was when I was doing the talking and I actually fumbled as my eyes met hers. I had this HUGGEEEEEE smile in my heart and I never felt so happy before. She was sitting there, giving me that super awesome surprise by just attending my first emcee event. Words couldn't express how much what she did for me just by being there.

So this post is a dedication to her, for being spontaneous and sweet enough to come and visit me for my very first emcee job. Thank you so much, you don't know how much it means to me. Really, truly from the bottom of my heart.

Here's another post that goes out to how I feel towards certain things.

It is a simple story, a girl meets a guy, they both fell in love and eventually love took them to another different level of the story. But if we look beyond the story, there might be another story which took place earlier.

Everyone has a story in their life. Everyone has chapters that we wrote and it became part of our memories, and we continue writing.

I came across a story which I felt like I was the bad guy. The one who spoilt everything in that other story. Mine's perfectly fine, and getting along just fine. But I somehow felt very bad, as tho I have done something bad..

Then I've come to realize that, life is like that. Reality hits us hard, we're not living in a fairytale. I'm sorry to the other person, but somehow things fell in for both of us and it's been a great story and it will continue to be one.

I know one thing for sure, I've met someone who sees my flaws as part of myself. That's the beauty of her. She never did looked down on me, no matter what situation I am, no matter what I asked, she's a very determined girl. And of course, independent. She taught me how things an actual girl thinks about an outing. For a date or something like dinner. It's funny and she always puts that smile on me.

Right now, I know I'm sure of what I am capable of, and to make the best of it. I made this compilation of smiles she had given me, and it's still counting. 73, and it would be 74 when you read this.

You, made me whole. You, complete me, and you, filled up my empty life with happiness. I luv u, Jazel Ee JiaJing.

Remember this line, the partial story I told you, that gaps between your fingers that God made for you are for me to fill it with mine and hold on to it forever.

-kel-

A past of mine..

2011-08-22T06:50:00.002+08:00

I came across an old post, dated 31st Oct 2010. Something I would like to share about my past a little on how I went through a lot..

I once fell for a girl whom made me think that the world isn't very judgmental after all. She turned things around and made me feel like i'm still worth something. A piece of something perhaps. Slowly i grew more fond of her, thinking i could be able to achieve something in return to prove my capability. Thus, it's not what i think it is. It's not how life works. You want it to happen, it does. But does it happen bcos u made it happen or it happens bcos it was fated? I no longer see the meaning of love.

I met various people, made plentiful of friends and lost many great friends. I made a wrong step in life but i realized and i tried to take the other step in a new path. Feels awkward, feels great at the same time but sense the discomfort of the new environment. I learnt things fast, i learnt how to grow better. Mature u say, perhaps i've still got a long way to go. Yes i admit, so much more to learn, to see life in a different way.

So here i am writing a note, perhaps to some people, I may be whining, complaining and self-pity but i write, bcos i feel like it is a way to express how i feel. When i put in words that comes out from my mouth, it is easily forgotten like a wind passing through ur ears. Words are the strength of me now and this is how i would express my feelings. Some said i tried too hard, some said it's the way u do things that's all wrong. Right now, i'm literally confused. Not confused in making decisions, but confused in life. Weird. I know it is contradicting but hey, that's what i feel.

I looked in a mirror. I see me. I felt hopeless, as tho i can't help much.

Been couple of months till i really had some hardcore thinking about what i want in life. Slowly i'm trying to make some progress and i guess i'm doing pretty good on that. What's lacking now is im really confused. about this one person who made me think so much. I don't know what it is but it gives me a really mixed feelings. i ALWAYS admired my guyfriends who always have gf who are like super super hawt and i always figure out, what is it that they see in them.*no offence to any of my bros who has superhot gf* Money? Style? Personality? I always scratch my head when i think of it. A friend once told me i tried too hard. perhaps. Another said im too fast. ok, slow things down. Then when i slow it down, another guy jumps in front of her and poof she disappears. Fml serious fml. What am i doing? i dont know anymore. hah, i laugh at myself sometimes for being such a loser. I met many girls that i knew if i tried, i could. But why hesitate..? i asked myself why sometimes. But i really don't think i know the answer yet.

Fortunately, i learnt that friends, some can be dependable, some can be a real jackass and some can be literally a 2 face assbite. Friends whom i was onced called brother, turned their backs on me bcos of my lifestyle. With regrets, i knew it was wrong but with my new lifestyle, i learnt so much and gain that temporary popularity and fame. Nt worth it.Friends whom were once my "brothers" now no longer acknowledge me even as friend. Walked into the restaurant, they didn't even bother to shake and ask how's life. "Yo fatty wassup" they said. A good "bro" of mine said i didn't bothered to email him, not even concern to ask where or how is he. I guess that was my bad. But can't you do the same first? Takes 2 to tango right? Now, i am happy with the one bro who trusts me and cared for me. I guess :P who is so kind in many ways its hard to expect it out of him, of all m friends. Shows that true friends do exist huh.Now, i feel really really reluctant to do anything.Besides working and exercising, i think i'll stick to that routine. Maybe i should start going to shaolin temple. better life there. I wish i could handle my life like making fried rice. Add some oil, put d rice, salt, spices, egg,and voala. Nope, kel, that's not how life works.

I just hope that this someone who knows what or why i wrote this note understands what this stupid note is all about. Confusing as it may sound, but it's just like a puzzle. Take a piece of puzzle at a time and try to put it in places. My life's all jumble up now. I just took 2 puzzles and placed them where it should be. Now, who'll be next to help me?Who..will complete me?

Kelvin Ng.31 Oct 2010. ( copy paste from the notes in Facebook. )

Today, Monday 22th August 2011. If I were to say that who managed to fill up those missing puzzle pieces, there is someone now. There is someone who will soon be able to complete me, make my life whole.

I always did comparisons, always asking questions. Sometimes I asked myself, am I that lucky to have someone like her in my life? Indeed I am. My perception towards love, has changed because of her. She made things differently for me. She looked at me as a lover, an equal.

I always had this thought in my mind that women are indeed influenced heavily by materialistic behavior. She proved me wrong. Money can't buy happiness. Money can't put that gorgeous smile on that face. Well, it can, but only temporary.

She made my world seems brighter.

And she's driving me crazily, in love. =)

A question I've been wanting to ask..

2011-08-22T01:24:00.003+08:00

I always wanted to ask but it didn't seem like it was the right time, and when it was, I couldn't say out the question. I really wanted this, and I'm gonna make this right. The best out of it, and to make sure it is one heck of a moment that we both won't forget.

Wait for me, baby. I'll sweep you off your feet.

P.s. Sorry for the short post again, am really tired and got to work early tomorrow. I really miss you. :)

A time to bond..

2011-08-21T06:02:00.002+08:00

It's a beautiful night, a night with just the two of us.

She picked me up after her work, and we've been chilling together since then. It was nice to have her around me and she is indeed a very good company. No matter how many times I've repeated myself, she has the most unique,gorgeous smile that you find it hard to find in many people.

Right now, she's snoring right next to me while I blog, it's a cute sight.

Guess it's time for me to snore :P

Nights.

My Dear Superwoman

2011-08-20T07:25:00.004+08:00

It is my pleasure to be of some help to you, when you needed someone to be there.

Back in the olden days, when the damsel is in distress, the knight in shining armor will turn up and saves her from whatever that is causing the damsel to distress.

So basically yeah, I can say I will be there for you, no matter what. To put it in a more promising words,I will TRY to be there for you, no matter what it takes.

After all, I'm your superman. Lol.

p.s. sorry for the short post, I'm really tired and I got to work soon, will update more soon! :) and imy jj! <3

A secret lover

2011-08-19T06:58:00.004+08:00

It's amazing how you can speak right to my heart
Without saying a word you can light up the dark
Try as I may I can never explain
What I hear when you don't say a thing

The smile on your face let's me know that you need me
There's a truth in your eyes saying you'll never leave me
The touch of your hand says you'll catch me wherever I fall
You say it best, when you say nothing at all.

-Ronan Keating, When you say nothing at all.

That is something which I can see what we have between us. There's a lot in my mind, thinking about the future, how we would overcome things together and how we would enjoy each others company. I've not really been in a proper date/relationship so "sila tunjuk ajar ya". What I actually meant is, of course I've been dating and also being in a relationship, but I never really did much in the past, as in bringing her to somewhere romantic, or doing surprises or even making Valentine's Day special. I didn't do much to be honest.

I used to be a useless bum, thinking my world revolves around me. I could say I was self-centered and selfish. So now, it's been almost 3 years since I was in a relationship and things have changed, tremendously. I am a whole new person, and I'm most definitely different in many ways. Better, of course.

I've learned through so much pain and hardship that it made me more mature in many ways. So, as days past by, I hope I could learn as much as I can from all these and I also hope that she could teach me along the way. Day by day, as how it seems, we get to know each other more, better in many ways. She's still shy, most definitely but she's beginning to feel more comfortable sharing with me, and I thank you for that. =) She does makes me jealous at times, but hey, if I'm not to be jealous, it would mean that I didn't care, right? So I'm a tiny whiny bit of jealous, but like I always told her, I'm confident. HEHE. Tho we have our differences, she never looked at me differently. That's why she's so special to me.

Our journey will soon start, a story about K and J. A lover in secret, that has yet to be revealed, a person who cared for me like no others.

She kinda reminded me about certain quotes that I written before, and I was glad to share it with her. I have a craze to do a tattoo on both of my arms, so I've gotten this quote, from this. "If I were to do a tattoo about you, I would do it on my arms so I know that I have you within my grasps, forever.

I shall show you a glimpse of her. She's my diamond. *<3*

Dreams..

2011-08-18T06:02:00.003+08:00

I pinched myself, a thousand times for the past few days every time I woke up. Is this real? Is this really happening?, I ask myself.

I guess it is, as everyday when I wake up in the morning or night, I would see her picture on my phone, reminding me how lucky I am to have her in my life. Lucky? Indeed I am. What are the odds of being the most outstanding among those who tried earlier than me? I didn't know, but I just tried. Confidence kept me going, and of course, with some effort too on her side.

If this is a dream, I wouldn't want to wake up. I would stop time in my dreams just to be by her side, treasuring every single moment. The glimpse of her eye makes plenty of guys turn their heads. Her sweet smile melts hearts like how the sun melts an ice cream. Somehow, I laughed to myself, I brought myself upon a war. To protect her from the bees, and to be the best bee. "THIS IS SPARTA!" lol.

And of course, in order to be the best bee, I need sheltox. LOL! Hahaha! I'm sure only JJ and Angeline gets this part.

This dream, is one dream worth remembering. It's just the beginning, but it's already giving me a good feeling about this.

I guess it's time for me to hit the bed again, before my princess gets mad at me for not sleeping.

She's a dream. Don't wake me up ya! :P

P.s - I woke up, just because I forgot to blog for you, so here it is! <3 hehe.

Romance, something I'm new at.

2011-08-17T07:50:00.002+08:00

It's been a while since I was being romantic. So if I were to be given a chance to share my thoughts, I have some up in my sleeves for my love one, JJ. Nothing to be embarrassed about since it's just a matter of time before we eventually fall deeper in love.

I've got nothing to hide from her, I'll be always truthful to her and I'll do my best to keep her happy always. We can't always expect the best out of everything but we'll try ain't it? Hopefully I could keep this momentum going and gradually learn what a relationship is truly all about as I've met a girl who loved me for who I am, literally.

So here goes a few sayings, for you.

If you held up 11 roses into a mirror, you’d be looking at 12 of the most beautiful things in the world.

I miss you when I'm not with you....when I'm not with you all I do is think about you...when I think about you I just want to be with you....and when I'm with you it's like all of my dreams have come true.

You deserve the world, and I know I can't give that to you. So I'll give you the next best thing....my world.

Last night, I experienced something, which I haven't gotten before in my life. To be able to see tears of joy, I couldn't be any luckier than any guy on earth. I made my point, she's the one. :)
Something worth sharing. I'm really tired and hopefully I'll recover soon from this annoying cough I've gotten. I had a great evening and I hope you had one too. It's a memorable night.

I shall update more, because this is really a brief post, my eyes are shutting and I'm hitting the bed. Nights people.

Time is essential. Only time will tell.

2011-08-16T06:44:00.003+08:00

"Time is free, but it's priceless. You can't own it, but you can use it. You can't keep it, but you can spend it. Once you lost it, you can never get it back."

We all look back on life, what we've been through and obstacles that we've overcome. Then, we look back on time, where somehow we wish we could turn back time to make things right.

I've been having a great time, tho it has been not a long run, but it has been a run that was made worthwhile. Who knew that love is something we have between us and I tend to keep it that way.

Every moment spent was treasured, kept as memories that 2 minds, body and soul would not forget. The day it all started from just a hi, to the day where it will reach to the 3 special words. "I _ _ _ _ you."

Go figure as most of you will know what those blanks will be filled in.

One thing for sure is that I can tell you, she's like no other. Uniquely special ( if there's such word but its the best to describe her ), her smile never seems to wither within me, and her genuine feelings for me.

What else could a guy like me ask for? Nothing more, nothing less. I could say that ""Love is like swallowing hot chocolate before it has cooled off. It takes you by surprise at first, but keeps you warm for a long time." But I can say she prefers chocolate banana. Hehe.

As it is,I would say it's really something special, I will not let it go easily, and of course, I would do my best to keep it forever if it is possible.

To me, it doesn't matter how often we see each other, what matters most is how much we think about each other and to be honest, letters form words that are never enough for me to describe her, beautifully.

I always had this wish, a wish that I'm that guy, an ordinary boy, with an extraordinary effect on your heart. My wish did come true. There are so many reasons to be happy, and one of them is just by looking at you. :)

This is the my regular heartbeat : ____/\_____/\_____/\_____/\____
This is my heartbeat when I see you : __/\__/\__/\__/\__/\__/\__

I'm crazy about her. Literally cuckoo. Hahaha.

For me, there's a saying that goes "you don't love a woman because she's beautiful, She's beautiful because you love her." Indeed.

p.s : True love isn't love at first sight. It should be at every sight.

2011-08-15T09:01:00.003+08:00

True love passes all understandings. True love Expresses loyalty. True love hurts but can learn how to mend. True love dreams the highest dreams. True love waits until the stars visit the day. True love seeks good for the other.

True love lends forgiveness. True love cries but washes away the pains. True love makes an ignorant boy a mature man. True love softens the heart of a girl to a nurtured woman. True love never lies.

True love loves a person until forever. True love sees love even though the hair is white. And most of all...TRUE LOVE never breaks promises, until the vow has been done.

Even if I live a thousand lifetimes,you will still be my one, my only, my true love.

This was written by me a long time ago, something which came back to me after a while and it's definitely something worth sharing.

Gawd, her smile is killing me, in a loving way. Lol.

The beginning of a new start.

2011-08-14T14:42:00.002+08:00

Nothing could express how I feel right now. My life is suddenly filled with colors that I've never seen before, colors that made me feel how right things are now.

I've been through almost 3 years of loneliness and finally someone sees me differently. I guess what others say must be right, that you shouldn't be looking for love, instead let love find you. Of course, when you manage to come across love, you must take your chances, and nurture it.

Right now, things are still raw, like how rough diamonds are before they have not been cut into beautiful shapes and designs. But I hope, things will fall into places and gradually I'll crave and shape this diamond into something so beautiful that no words could ever express how it looks like.

So, the beginning of a new start, the first chapter of my story, begins.

Our life is written with a pen, we couldn't erase what happened in the past, but we can actually look back at those pages and see what went wrong thus evaluating it. Then we can continue writing our stories. Speaking about looking back in the past, I came upon a chapter that made me realized that sometimes, we must be prepared for anything.

To be stronger. We must expect the unexpected, but unfortunately, I did not do that in the past. Gradually we'll learn, and we'll improvise it in order for us not to hurt ourselves again. I know, that my 6th sense tells me this, is right. What's happening between us is happening very quickly but I won't make the same mistake again like last time.

She's different from the rest, who knows that she might be the best.

I was at MPH with her on the first date, and it hits me when we took a dictionary/translation dictionary chinese-english, that we have a language barrier. Well, not exactly a huge ass barrier but a tiny small bit one. I plan to overcome it, I don't know how but gradually I will.

So I came up with this quote, " Language is a bridge that connects two to each other, but if you have a language barrier, as the saying goes, Action speaks louder than words. We can always prove that nothing can come between us."

<3

A post nobody knows but you.

2011-08-13T08:35:00.002+08:00

This is a post where only she knows, a post where it made her smile and a post that made me happy to share. =)

There's a difference in what we long for, what we settle for, & who we are meant for.

2011-08-12T05:29:00.007+08:00

Sometimes when you ponder over things that happened in your life, you ask yourself why did you ever do it, or why did you ever love that person. Questions remains in your head and unanswered.

But after everything, I know it myself that when I see someone who immediately makes my mouth form a smile without even me noticing, I knew she was someone special.

Every time I looked into her eyes, it glimmers with happiness and shyness before she turns away,blushing or perhaps her cheeks are always rosy. Do you know that she was the first girl who ever said something like "I don't know why but if you were to call, my heart beats very fast".

I take it as a compliment as I could have such effects on her, so hence you now know how much girls take notice of me. I've been working for a while, been partying and clubbing of course, but girls never seem to notice me like how she does.

It felt a little intimidating when I was out with her yesterday night and her bestfriend was counting the amount of guys that was going after her, woah seriously, it was a big WoW to me. I don't think I have that many going after me, or even if there is, I don't think I know any.

At first, I felt inferior, intimidated by those men that are more capable in many ways more than me. But suddenly a thought came into my head, reminding me to be myself. If she loves you the way you are, she's most definitely going to love you entirely, so I have to believe in myself and be confident. Yes, I know I may not be as financially stable as others, Yes, I know that I may not be as tall as the others, Yes I know I may not be a lot of things that she might wants but Yes, I believe that I have the confidence to put that smile on her face.

Putting a smile on anybody's face is easy, but putting a genuine smile, it isn't as easy as it seems. I don't know if I did managed to do so, but it felt like I did. As long as I believe in myself, and be myself then I know I've nothing to hide from her but only my genuine love and care for her.

I don't know if it was a test, by her best friend or was it true but I knew some was true. Jealous? Yes I was, but tremendously jealous? Nope. I knew where I stood, and I'm going to slowly take that step closer. The quote that I kept in my phone, I would love to share - "I may not be rich, but I'm rich in heart. I may not have everything for you, but I'll try to make everything possible for you as you are my everything. I may not be the best, but I'm not like the rest. Trust me :) " So true.

Had a chat with a friend I bumped into last night, and he told me that remember grab what's within your grasp. Don't let it slip away. I won't. And I'll make sure I'll have a good hold on it. =) thanks buddy.

So, I came across this post, it was rather funny but cute in a way.

K : How could I get you to fall for me?
J : Trip me over.

Hahaha! Cute. =)

So, confidence is what you must have, then you shall believe in your own capabilities. What is yours will eventually be yours but with some effort that you have to put in.

Everyday,when I blog, I knew someone would read it, first thing in the morning when she wakes up. And I sincerely appreciate it. It's something that I don't get often. Thank you. :) 在我眼里，你是特殊的。 I think you would understand this. HEHE.

And it's true.

P.s. Do blog, I would like to read yours too. ;)

-Signing off, Chocolate Banana-

Funny how love works.

2011-08-11T05:03:00.005+08:00

I was heading out, to catch a drink with my friends and my mom was watching some drama show that was actually directed by a Malaysian director. It caught my attention as it turns out to be very interesting.

It came across a scene where the guy was waiting for his girlfriend/fiancee to register for their marriage, ends up not turning up. Reason why? She was with another guy, slept with that guy and chose to be with the guy she slept with. After being together for 7years. Wow, it really makes me think what is love right now in our generation of life. So how about our parents who've been together for 40 years? What was love back then?

Suddenly, deep inside me felt like I've been there before, only that I wasn't really registering for marriage but I felt like I've been used, played and dumped aside. Totally felt how that guy who was waiting for his fiancee, the feeling of rejection, the feeling of losing hope and love. I guess I was in his shoes before.

Then it hit me hard, ensuring myself never to be in that position again. To really make sure that the next one would be someone who really loves me for who I am. Whether I may be fat, chubby, ugly, short, poor or anything else you can think of. If what's meant to be, it will be. Accept me for,I am someone worth knowing and I will make worth your while.

But I always have this quote in my mind which has been stuck for a very long time and it's so true, "what we love doesn't mean we can have, but only to be appreciated from afar", so either way there's no point forcing love into your life. As many people told me before, let it come to you.

I find it contradicting as if you don't really work your way to find someone you love, how are you to know that it will come to you? If you don't do anything at all, how do you expect women to actually acknowledge your existence? Nonetheless, I still think that both ways works in a way. I think. As long you know how to walk, you then know how to run.

For those who are reading this, do not worry for I am not being emotional about my past. It was the past, a lesson that was learned back then, in order for me to realize what love is all about. I may be playful, I may be funny but when it is time to be serious, then I will be. =)

As the saying goes, "If you kick the dog, the dog will bite you back. If you love the dog, the dog will love you back and follows you for life".

I have to say, that I am definitely a jealous person, but depending on which level. I mean how can I not be jealous if the girl you like or girlfriend goes out with a guy whom might have intentions of taking her away from you. That's when trust comes in. I trust people easily, but I lose it easily. That's why I'm rather a straightforward guy and, you can put it in a way that I maybe bluntly honest. *Hope that I did not offended anyone in the past*. Jealousy has many different categories. For me, the word jealousy actually means that you really care/love the person but of course, not overdoing it.

With trust, it builds up a foundation between one another. Betraying that trust, only destroys your foundation and everything you've built. Hence, jealousy and mistrust. So basically, what you do is what you will get. As long you know your boundaries, as long as you know what you are doing, it's fine by me.

I'm a guy who once falls in love with a girl, I will love her with all my heart and try my best to do anything for her ( Omg, really sounds very cliche). Well anything sensible of course, unlike "Bruno Mars - Grenade" I wouldn't be silly enough to catch a grenade for you but I would say I would sacrifice a lot for the girl I love.
P.s - I'm really not trying to sell myself here but I'd love to share with you people reading this. =)

So no, this post isn't about me being emotional but yes, it is something I would share with you.

And seriously, I can't stop thinking about you. :)

Quote - I miss you not in some soppy "I love you baby, let's hold hands and be together forever" sort of way, I just miss you, that's all, plain and simple. I miss having you to talk to, I miss your presence in my life. Simply because it's just you.

But I think I stay quite far already. HEHE

Awkward feeling.

2011-08-11T01:10:00.001+08:00

Somehow I just felt a little upset. I don't know why but it feels that way.

Finally!

2011-08-10T03:25:00.004+08:00

After a long day of waiting for an answer, first thing I woke up to a message which totally made my day, "Good morning! Read your blog" and I knew it was something to look forward to.

I got myself up, washed up and was getting ready while facebooking. After replying her sms, she didn't reply mine so I just continued on doing my things while checking facebook. She was online, I didn't noticed at all and she gave me a "hey" and I gave her a "Ho". LoL.

But again as usual she tells me something about her lecturer that came late, about an hour late. Seriously, I don't think she's the first who came across a literally retarded lecturer that asks their students to change title on the last month of their holidays. But nonetheless, I felt hopeless that I couldn't help her in any ways. So as from the previous post, I asked her out for a movie thinking that today would be fun, with the movie "premier" The Zookeeper that we could watch, but instead I found out today from my colleagues that it was yesterday.

How silly I felt really, and I had to make a change of plans. Immediately I messaged her and told her about it but apparently she messaged me earlier saying that she would be taking a nap. So I didn't wait so I called her and asked her. Felt bad tho waking up that snoring beauty.

Things continue on as plans went on smoothly plus having my captain, Nadhirah for being so thoughtful for me to use the car to find her place.

I really got lost after Puchong Toll and I called for help. Generously, she actually accompanied me on the phone throughout the entire Malaysia's Best Jam, "traffic jam" and I eventually found her place almost 30minutes later.

Waited for her about 5 minutes, stood outside waiting for the princess to walk into her chariot, was drizzling but she walks like a damsel, I think I opened the door for her. Even during the carpark later on. Hee hee. Such gentleman. Gawd, yes I know I know, self praise is no praise. But just had to say it :P rofl.

And I can say, either I'm a freaking hilarious/wacko/funny/lame guy or she's just easily entertained. She really has this cute laughter and a very sweet smile. And boy, she's really shy. I must be looking really hawt that time I guess. Hahah!

But I guess sometimes I couldn't really see her eyes sometimes because I made her laugh too much. Lol! And she's such a cheery person! She keeps smiling! Something irresistible.

During the movie, it was really nice, we managed to catch the movie "Captain America" and it wasn't too bad. Well you can say that, half the time I'm busy disturbing her. And she's sweet enough to feed me popcorns although I was full. At one time, she was trying to look for my mouth but instead she accidently poke me below my lips with the popcorn.

Ms ee, sorry ya ;) Only you know why.

But awkwardly, I walked her back to her home, she just walks in and lock the door immediately. Somehow I feel like I'm a stalker following her back. I was kinda expecting a friendly hug but I guess I can't be too demanding on a first date. :)

Overall it was a great tuesday night for me. Tho she stays super uber far from me, it's worth the trip. She's worth it. ;)

And zomg, we forgotten to take picture! :( SADFACE

Something I would do one day. For you. =)

Anxious

2011-08-09T04:42:00.003+08:00

Word of the day, anxious.

It's funny how things manage to fall together. First it started from a simple message by saying "Hi, nice to meet you" to "Lets hangout and grab a cup of coffee". It's very rare nowadays to find people as such unless you are to say that you are from overseas like the European countries or any other part of the world except Malaysia.

A simple polite gesture as "hi, nice to meet you, or hey, it's a pleasure meeting you" is always ignored by many people nowadays in our generation and of course, I'm speaking generally the people from Malaysia.

I've done plenty of events, worked multiple kinds of job scopes and I've seen all kinds of people. And to be frank, the attitude that Malaysian's cultivate is terrible.

Imagine this, I'm a young boy who just only finished SPM, found a freelance job at an event that my only job scope was to give our fliers. Practically the job's simple but yet it is so difficult because of the mentality of our society nowadays. When you approach them, you can rarely see a smile on their face and instead they look at you with disgust, walking away ignoring your existence.

Even right now, I'm working with the FlyFm Troopers ( on-ground team ), we offered FREE freebies and yet people think it's a conman job, walking away from freebies. Hilarious really.

But I've met someone who genuinely talked to me as a friend. A person whom I've not met before but only seen, a person who has a sweet smile and genuinely friendly. It all started from a simple and basic "hey! nice to meet u. do u still remember who i am?" and she replied "of course I do. I will never forget your healthy skin colour.. =)"

That really cracks me up. She literally put a smile on my face without even me noticing it.

So it isn't really hard to acknowledge people, tho there are all kinds of strangers but it's the point where we, Malaysians have to change our culture and attitude towards the society. Why are the "ang moes" so friendly, politely rejecting but genuinely smiling when you offered a flier to them? Why can't we do so too?

So right now, at 4.59am, while I'm writing this blog, hopefully she'll read it, I'm actually quite anxious on the answer she would give me tomorrow whether she would go out for a movie with me. As how she feels when I call her, I'm feeling it right now.

Seriously,the picture below explains it all. XD

Blogging.

2011-08-08T06:00:00.004+08:00

I've noticed how my blog used to be so emotional and dramatic. It flows out a stream of emotions that couldn't be controlled by myself but I couldn't be bothered. For me, blog is one of my only few places where I can express myself without feeling embarrassed about. Its a place where I could be free to express my thoughts.

As I read back my posts that I've written, my posts were only about complains, comparison and sorrows. It is quite a rare sight to see my posts are about my daily life ( there are a few but not many ) but mostly emotional posts.

So from today onwards, I shall share more about the happy side of me. Perhaps it would make a difference, for those who are reading this. ;)

My life continues on as usual, standard routines and facing usual nagging from my parents. Why am I not surprised, even that no matter how many times my parents nagged at me, I'm always fine the next hour. Guess I'm not the type that holds grudges.

For those who are reading, I know that most of you may not know me well. Let's start from a scratch.

My name's Kelvin Ng Kaixiong, that's my full name. Kelvin Imba Ng ( my name in Facebook) is a nickname created between me and my best friend, Ronald Lim. Born in the year of 1988, a year of a dragon but based on Chinese Calenders, I'm a rabbit because I am born in the early year of 1988. So, weirdly I can put it in a way that I'm a rabbit head and a dragon body. Hybrid, Lol.

I used to play numerous sports but now it's just back to basketball and futsal. Gym has become part of my routines though I only workout on subsequent days and I do game frequently ( as in computer games ).

I enjoy reading, loves dancing ( tho I can't dance like a pro but I'll do just fine, hehe ) , enjoy movies, especially with someone you love and of course I enjoy yumcha sessions ( which also means a hangout place to grab a drink ). I love my family although they maybe noisy all the time, I enjoy doing events and I love making friends.

If you were to ask me what criteria I would like in my future girlfriend, I'll show you this note posted on my facebook a long time ago.

1.Do you need him/her to be good looking?
- Presentable.

2. Smart?
- Why not? :)

3. Preferred age?
- When it comes to love, age doesnt matter right? ;)

4. Preferred height?
- Of course shorter if can, taller..... i dont know how would the girl think la. hahaha.

5. How about sense of humor?
- A definite!

6. How about piercings?
- im cool with it. ;)

7. Accepts you for who you are?
- Yes of course.

8. Pink hair?
- awesome generation color!

9. Mushy or no?
- MUSHY!

10. Thin or fat?
- average? hehe.

11. Black, Brown or White (skin color)?
- lol! hahahaha, i find this question funny.

12. Long hair or short hair?
- preferably long, short might look good too. Different person has a different point of view.

13. Plastic or metal?
- Wtheck is this. lol.

14. Smells good?
- Of course! its quite turning on ;)

15. Smoker?
- Depends, sometimes i dont really fancy kissing ashtrays.

16. Drinker?
- Well if she knows, it's good, if she doesn't, i think its good also some ways.

17. Girl/Boy-next-door type?
- cooL!

18. Musically inclined?
- I do hope so.

19. Plays piano?
- swt is all these questions really relevant to the note? so many instruments.

20. Plays bass and/or acoustic guitar?
- sexy! knows how to handle the instrument. ;)

21. Plays violin?
- bonus bonus!~

22. Sings very good?
- Er, not a must but its would be nice.

23. Vain?
- Erm. A lil would do.

24. With glasses?
- She might look hot! with or without i dont mind ;)

25. With braces?
- Not an issue for me.

26. Shy type?
- Preferably not. Would rather like a outgoing,friendly and presentable girl. But shyness does have its perks

27. Rebel or good boy/girl?
- Hmm, 50-50? lol. not too much of a rebel, u know how some girls run wild. lol.

28. Active or passive?
- ACTIVE!

29. Tight or bomb?
- No idea what this means. Tight.. as in slim den i don't mind. :D bomb as in humongous-ly fat, i don't think so. sry being honest.

30. Singer or dancer?
- Both

31. stunner?
- Yea!~

32. Hip hop?
- hey if she's hip hop, im the king of pop. Rofl.

33. Earrings?
- Not bad. I think its a bonus

34. Mr/Ms. count-my-ex-girlfriends-until-you-drop?
- hell no and seriously, needs to know when is the right time to say it. sometimes, talking bout your ex isn't a very nice thing to do. lol.

35. Dimples?
- definitely a bonus ;)

36. Bookworm?
- Well, some knowledge wouldn't hurt.

37. Mr/Ms. love letter?
- Hmmm i think it is very romantic somehow..

38. Playful?
- *smirks* of course

39. Flirt?
- Why not~ but make sure she knows where she stands.

40. Poem writer?
- well that's romantic ;)

41. Serious?
- Depends on situation.

42. Campus crush?
- hmm, dont think so.

43. Painter?
- er.. I don't think I would mind. LoL.

44. Religious?
- so so ;)

45. Someone who likes to tease people?
- someone who knows their boundaries then why not ;) i like a good sense of humor girl.

46. Computer games geek? Or internet freak?
- lol both? i'm ok with any.

47. Speaks 20 languages?
- I think it'll be very awkward but its dam cool!

48. Loyal or faithful?
- Both,It's a must. seriously..

49. good kisser
- of course! thats the way it shud be, but if she isn't, why not show it to her the right way? ;)

50. loves children??
- Erm, of course!

It's not really a necessity to have all these criteria, after all nobody's perfect. For me, sometimes it's just whether you could click with that other person. It's all about the chemistry.

And, I've been talking to someone, she's uniquely special in some ways, I find it hard to find a word to describe her. She's sweet, she bakes pretty well ( i guess :P ) but I haven't tried any so I've yet to judge her baking skills, and somehow she always seems to laugh at my lame jokes! It's fun talking to her and let's hope and see how things move on from there, as it is, like a river, we follow the flow. Only hassle is the distance between us.

Well, there's more to go but I'm feeling a little sleepy with all these words written on my blog, like "someone" says it made her eyes tired. HEHE.

Cheers,
Kelvin.

Food for thought.

2011-05-12T08:53:00.000+08:00

Something worth sharing.

Women say they want sensitive, emotionally attentive men, yet they choose guys who are six payments behind on their Harleys and spend the greater part of their days trying to find space for their next tattoo or explore extraneous body parts to pierce. These relationships are not headed for the altar; they are previews for the Jerry Springer Show. Even more perplexing is when a woman obtains the affection of a jerk, she then tries to transform the jerk into a sensitive, emotionally attentive man. This behavior is illogical. It makes no sense to go to a junkyard, buy a clunker, and then spend the rest of your life trying to transform the clunker into a new car. This behavior is like a bunny chasing an alligator. The alligator will forever remain an alligator and one day he will turn around and eat the bunny because this is the nature of alligators. Don't blame the alligator for being an alligator. If you are a bunny chasing an alligator at least have the common sense to put on an alligator suit. Better yet, stop chasing alligators.

Fairy tales may contribute to women's strange dating behavior. In the story of the frog and the prince, a princess kissed a frog and the frog magically turned into a prince. Ladies, this is only a fairy tale. This is not real life. If a woman's kiss has the power to turn a frog into a prince, then logically a woman's kiss has the power to turn a prince into a frog. This is not the case. When the princess fell in love with the frog and kissed him, she fell in love with a frog not a prince. It would stand to reason that the princess would abhor the prince because he is no longer the creature with whom she fell in love, a love sufficient to justify a kiss. In the end, it was not a frog the princess desired; she wanted a prince. If this were the case, then why didn't the princess go to a castle to meet a prince instead of going to a swamp with the unlikely probability of finding a prince wearing a frog suit?

Perhaps love is the answer. In the fairy tale beauty and the beast, the beauty fell in love with the beast after discovering his better qualities. News flash - serial killers are nice when they are not killing people. A woman's love, no matter how deep, does not have the power to reform serial killers. Nor does a woman's love have the power to transform jerks into sensitive, emotionally attentive men. Love is not a feeling. Love is action. The emotional feelings associated with love are the byproduct of the way in which you behave toward the person you love and the way in which the person you love behaves toward you. If love had the power to change people, then why do people cheat on their spouses?; Why do children grow up to be criminals?; and Why do friends betray one another?
Women often remark that nice guys are boring. Ladies, if you want excitement, go skydiving. Do not confuse excitement with love. Another common remark is that women often feel unworthy of being with nice guys. This is crazy talk. If you feel unworthy of being with a nice guy, then you should experience ecstasy when you are with a jerk, not depression, which is often the case because you really think you deserve a sensitive, emotionally attentive man.

The answer is simple. Choose a man like you shop for a dress. If you want to buy a formal dress, you would go to upscale stores not thrift shops. Shopping for a formal dress could take up to several months. Each dress is painstakingly examined for size, fit, color, workmanship, and coordination with accessories. After rejecting scores of dresses, you make your selection. The long search is worth the effort because in the end the dress is a perfect fit for you and only you. Don't spend more time shopping for a dress than you do shopping for the right man. A dress is for one night; the right man is for a lifetime commitment and good days together, forever.

Women? Complicated, yet we love'em. Hell yeah.

I'm back!

2011-04-28T04:06:00.009+08:00

Hey peeps! I'm back from Sri Lanka and it WAS a great experience. But I wouldn't wanna go back there again because everything is literally expensive!

So life goes on as how it seems, I tried to keep my mind off things that I shouldn't be thinking of. I actually fell sick when I reached Sri Lanka and I guess it was the lack of rest which made my body weak but I had a great experience seeing how life is outside Malaysia.
And we had great performances by our Radio team + Tv team.

She's HOT! A colleague of mine in the radio team.
Food's good too.
So pretty much my weekend ended just like that. Had great fun, hanging out with great friends.

But even after so, I still miss her. Guess she've already moved on.

Life's just like that.

Decision has been made.

2011-04-22T02:32:00.003+08:00

It was certain that when I looked into her eyes, all I saw was a hard cold stone whom doesn't seem to realize it only hit me that hard in the face that I'm just not the one. Words she used to say, just an illusion. It was just merely a drop of water into the sea. Meaningless.

I held back my feelings, feeling heavy hearted knowing that I already lost everything.

I yearn to find back what I've been looking for, for tomorrow I shall leave for Sri Lanka. Hopefully I could find some peace there and enjoy the view. It will be a memorable weekend with my officemates.

Recently I tried my best, to shower her with love, to show her the meaning of true love but it all ended as though I've been playing with fire. I burnt myself and it left a mark, but even knowing that I've been burnt, I still kept playing with it hoping that one day that fire will eventually become harmless. Turned to a blind eye, my effort was wasted. Not recognized and not even appreciated. So much for being Mr.Niceguy.

People nowadays don't seem to realize that there're only few guys left to carry out true love. Wait not people, mainly girls. Not to be sexist but girls nowadays do have the tendency to not wake up from the true facts in front of their eyes.

Funny how girls tend to be so clingy for a guy who cheats, flirts behind their back and yet they still say that "my heart belongs to him". So should I change myself to be that guy who cheats, and flirts behind the girl's back? Sorry I'm will not stoop so low to do such things.

I know where I stand and my friends told me that I should be myself. Never change for a person unless it's worth changing for the better. I will, definitely will change for the better. As for now I see myself as a person who hasn't changed abit since my last relationship. Tend to be so forceful and desperate.

So for now, mark my words, I will definitely not look back at my past and I will never seek for you again. Do not regret for I'll definitely show you that my future girlfriend will love my for who I am. Not a spare tyre, not some guy who just be there for you when you need one and dumped aside once u found someone else.

For now, thanks for those who were there for me. Even for those who didn't bother, thanks for reading.

No more emo posts, only more lively updates about my life. :) till then, see you when I'm back from Sri Lanka.

A tear shed from the heart

2011-04-21T01:44:00.004+08:00

I tried, and I tried. No matter how much I try, it will never be the same again. So who will I ever know whether there's someone out there for me? Never.

My heart shed a tear today, knowing the person whom I cared so much actually treats me like a total stranger. I tried so hard to actually tell her my heart is willing to shower her with love but she looks away from me, dodges me look into her eyes and that shows how much you actually tried to fight for this.

To show me how much you actually want this. Perhaps I may be that fling you wanted. To have someone who cares for you when you are lonely, when you are ignored. I may be that person but do know that I do have feelings. I've been lonely for a long period of time, and I've tried many times to learn how to love. I've failed a great many of it, only to realize that my love is to be played, as a toy like barbie dolls, to be loved in the beginning and ignored in the end

I tried so hard, and yet I know I'm already losing in the war of love.

I don't know what to do. I don't know who to talk to. I really don't know.

God help me..

Something worth sharing.

I really miss .... ....

2011-04-20T03:56:00.004+08:00

I don't know why but deep inside me tells me I should be doing something about it than to just ignore it. But will she look at me with the same way she did before? I don't know. And I guess she already have someone else in mind..

Am I silly? Or am I naive? Or both?

I rather be in love with the right one than to be with the wrong one but how do we know what is right or wrong before we even try?

I really told myself before than I'm not the kind of guy who quits so easily. But I have to take back my words because I actually quit trying. In my thought, it is like I'm fighting a losing battle. Again when I give myself more thought, I might actually win the war! *metaphor*

So in my head right now is like, How is she? Is she alright? Will she actually ignore me for life? Am I such a guy who a girl wouldn't fight for? Will she ever be mine?

That is the question, for me to know and for me to find out. If only she knew. It would be a miracle if I would suddenly get a message from her. Then I shall know if she really did cared for me and miss me,But knowing that reality is a bitch, what are the odds she would pick up her phone and ask me out. 0%.

Sigh..I really do miss her..if only she knew..how much she means to me.. only if..

Real smart and mature move

2011-04-18T13:00:00.003+08:00

If I were to say that I would like to move on and not see you anymore because you want to be single but I want to look for the love of my life, you become very defensive and to make yourself not look any worst, you block him off facebook? Funny how people tend to think.

And really it shows your maturity towards how you handle things. I maybe persistent and straightforward but sometimes I would love to see you fight for this relationship between 2 friends.

Must it always be the girl who does the, "I'll leave you now and will not talk to you for the rest of my life"? but saying that only because she wants that guy to continue trying and to see his sincerity. So when a guy does the same towards a girl, I guess it's just not the same.

But seriously, blocking me off facebook? Really a mature move. I'm not here to whine, but to share a thought of someone who doesn't seem to realize how a guy feels.

I guess I've lost a friend, and created a hater. But nonetheless, I think I will not hurt myself and to believe that there might actually be a chance with her. Because all she gave was false hope, and false love.

You don't simply just message any guy and say IMY ( stands for I miss you ) or just say what you want to say. Have you ever consider the guy's feelings if he ever wanted more than just IMY? And when he ask, you just say that he's being oversensitive. So I guess it was just a false statement?

A girl's action is very much like baseball. She keeps throwing things at you, hoping you would catch it and get the freaking idea of what she wants from you.

Today I decided to make peace and told her it's best if we were to go our separate ways but instead she took it as tho I will never see her again. Do you think that it is possible to move on or to find someone else if I continue seeing you and, with you giving me all the false hope? I will only learn to hurt myself more.

So hence this post is about someone who just couldn't accept the fact that I've choose to move on and make peace, and instead of giving me the privilege, she thinks I'm going to just ignore her for life, hence her actions of blocking me off facebook. Well I really think that I'm not much of a great guy either, cos she misses other guys too.

Take a look at yourself and have a good look. I don't go saying in facebook that i miss you to every single girl I see. I don't go telling lies to people who ask you where you are. For example, who are you out with? Oh I'm with J only, yumcha. Whereas the fact she's with J AND K.

I don't see a point putting much hope for this, as you only gave me stupid answers whereas you're not ready for relationship. I don't like to lie to the person I love. I don't go blocking people because they say they want to move on. If you want to block, might as well just delete. I don't need someone who barely cares for me as much as I care for her.

Seriously, grow up.

Something's amiss.

2011-04-17T22:05:00.005+08:00

Why is it that I feel so upset when I know I should not? Does it really hurts so badly that even tears can't explain the pain,agony and sorrow I'm facing? I told myself multiple times to be strong. I know I can, but you know, just like a bird, no matter how high you fly, one day you will fall down and die. No matter how strong I tell myself to be, I guess nobody makes me feel like how you do. I don't know why I'm being all emotional when I should be telling myself that,"hey, at least she's been honest, accept the fact that you're not her main priority! So why don't you wake up, you stupid fuck and fucking realize that you're just not the one!".

I've lack in many aspects, I guess maybe that's why people don't see me the way I want them to. I always give myself the best thought possible, trying my best not to keep putting myself so low. But then after again and again, results shows that it's not that I've been putting myself down but instead I am what I am. A failure when it comes to love. Someone who doesn't deserve anybody's love.

I think, I really have nothing to say but.. I'm very sad. No words could describe how I feel right now.....and definitely something is amiss. My heart that's torn in two, I'm having trouble finding the other half.

Funny how women are.

2011-04-13T04:10:00.000+08:00

Again comes the part where she just leaves you hanging there. Not messages, no notifications. She chooses to just say her words and just goes offline. Oh wait, or perhaps she "accidentally" fell asleep. And if you message her, it's either she's too busy or she's just too lazy to reply.

Reasons she gave, too many but if you want to put it into consideration, it just wouldn't add up. Then comes to the point where the guy is at fault where he was being oversensitive and not able to be considerate to know what she was doing. But WAIT, how is the guy able to know what the girl is doing when she doesn't even let him know? So I guess the guys HAVE to make assumptions right? What are the odds of assumptions that are right?

What she does in front of you and what she does when you are not with her is a whole lot different. Humans are how they are said they are. We talk what we want to hear, we do what we want to do. Nothing could stop us.

So what's the big fuss right now? Confusion. Confused with their actions and how their body languages are. They can tell you that you mean the world to them, but yet behind your back, 50 other guys could mean the world to them. So where's the weight in words that comes out their mouth?

Do you find yourself confused by women’s behavior? Unsure of who she really is?

Just who is the real woman?

"The real woman is a sensitive, overly emotional being."

"You’re wrong. She’s a bitchy, complaining, mean thing!"

"No, you’re both wrong! She’s a sweet, caring individual."

So many different opinions! Why are women’s behavior so mysterious? Will we ever figure them out?

What is the REALITY behind women’s behavior? Who IS the real woman?

Be prepared, for what follows might upset the way you picture women. But this revelation is NECESSARY to bring you future success.

Women are NONE of these! A lot of the time, anyway.

And here’s the reason...

Women have a plan for their network of relationships. In their mind, the world revolves around them. So they assign different relationships to different kinds of people.

What this means is that women also have a plan for how each guy she meets will fit into her life.

This means YOU!

And whenever a guy doesn’t seem to want to fit the mold SHE THINKS she wants him to, she’ll use DRAMATIC TACTICS in an attempt to manipulate his behavior to fit her likings.

These little women’s tactics are often mistaken for the REAL woman!

And if you’re not aware of them, like many, many men, it becomes impossible to distinguish the REAL woman from her DRAMA. Women’s behavior can create an illusion.

I assure you, this mistake is common -- too common among most men.

It is only by being aware of women’s behavior... that these dramatic tactics are cheap tricks used by the woman, but they are NOT the real woman.

Here, we’re going to explore them. There are three main tactics women use...

1) Sob Stories
2) Temper Tantrums
3) Flirty Displays

Women will attempt to use any one of these behaviors to get you to do or behave the way THEY want you to! ... to get you to like to the image and role they want you to play in their life.

But not fitting the likings she wants you to form to by not altering to women’s behavior -- is the big secret to creating attraction.

Funny huh..

So conclusion is, the more you choose to ignore them, the more they come to you. Or vice versa.

It's a thought I am sharing.

It's been a while.

2011-04-12T03:57:00.005+08:00

I guess it's been a while since I last posted on my blog. Due to popular demand (hehe), I was forced to post something on my blog. HAHA!

Life seems a little hard on my family, with all the recent troubles that doesn't seem to end, never ending troubles and I find it difficult to cope. I really tried to help, to offer what I can, but then again as some says "If you can't help yourself, don't try helping others".

I believe that we could always offer help to those who needs it, although we may not be able to provide much but it's the thought that counts. I hope that I could contribute to the family as my dad always say that I'm the man of the house if he's gone. Every cloud has a silver lining. Where's my silver lining?

Although things seems pretty slow at the moment, I guess it gives me time to think properly on what I would pursue in the future. Confused and frustrated, I guess I needed more time. Classes will be up soon, can't wait. Am very eager to finish up my studies and get a proper job.

I hope that things will be slightly easier for me and my family in the future, pray for my family..nonetheless pray for Japan.
Had a yumcha session with a very adorable bunny teeth friend who has not seen me for a very long period of time. It was good catching up. I guess there's where we can say, I've changed for the better. Slowly but gradually.

If she doesn't notice the changes in me, I guess it is either just me or she's just blind. lol. Something came up to me when Jess asked me to re-blog. So I remember I had this, and I would love to share it.

As I sit here gazing out the window,
Instead of working, I’m daydreaming of you...
And wondering if while you’re in your own world,
You’re thinking of me too.

I reminisce about the day we met and how you made me feel,
Looking at the glowing smile on your face,
Staring into your dreamy beautiful eyes,
Your smell, your touch, your warm embrace

What a special night that was...

And now, I’m starting to feel that warmth inside,
Like nothing or no one else can make me feel...
Butterflies, a constant smile, happy thoughts,
Looking forward to the next time we meet.

What lies ahead, down the road to love?
Can it possibly be what I’ve been hoping for?
All my goals, dreams, passions, hopes...
Glaring now before me with great anticipation.

No one knows what tomorrow brings...
One can only wish and believe...
I have abounding faith that God will take care of me,
And bring the right person into my life.

Could it be you?
Time will tell...
I feel a special bond starting between us,
And so I’m truly hopeful that it is (you).

If you understood this, then yes it is you. But if you don't, try google translate. HAHA!

So much for poetry, I used to be very sentimental when I was younger. I guess I've lost my touch. Hope it's good, cos it ain't yet my best mood but at least I hope you understood. Rapper yo~

Flying So-low~

2011-04-05T05:38:00.004+08:00

I had a boring week. It wasn't much but just the usual hangouts and work. I really feel like I need someone to be messaging me, talking to me all the time. Feels so lonely not having one.

USED to have a BFF who currently is busy with work and girlfriend, USED to have a whole bunch of gaming kakis ( gaming friends ), USED to have a whole bunch of clubbing peeps, but then again..all are busy, MIA or overseas. Sadface. :(

The most recent fun thing I did was to go up Genting Highlands on a Sunday afternoon, ( KL IS FREAKING HOT THAT DAY ) and get to actually chill there. It was literally relaxing, fun and..nothing else to do there.

Well on the other hand, going up to Genting is part of my eventjob so I had to anyways, besides getting to go to Genting and get paid rm50 for doing nothing much, I think it's very worth it. Oh, rm50 is just allowance and I still get paid for being there also by hour. So spent 12 hours in Genting, setting up buntings, getting ALL ACCESS PASS into ABP, Anugerah Bintang Popular and I manage to get a upfront look at Siti NurHalizah! :D

Here's some pictures. They use my funny face picture. T.T
I really meant it. Nothing else better to do.

I guess that's about it. A new week starts, apparently something to look forward for. A dance rehearsal for my Sri Lanka Company Trip. Hopefully it'll be fun. Cheerios. :)

Hopefully, some sweet memories. But so far it has been sour.

2011-04-02T10:55:00.003+08:00

I actually had a very random message from the past, and it was a message to seek for forgiveness. To be honest, I'm not a person who hold grudges unless you really did something which hurt me so bad. But even so, I "STILL" do not hold grudges and trust me on that, I meant it.

As the saying goes, forgive and forget..but can we really do so? Sometimes it's just not that easy to forget. It has scarred us so deeply that every time we close our eyes, we see that pain, that sorrow deep inside us that is still there. If we have no sorrows, we are not humans.

I felt as though that I've learnt a lot. To gradually learn about life, the purpose of life. It's not easy to start off with but it is easily ended with a blink of an eye.

When I know that somehow, or perhaps I could tell that a person likes me by just taking a glance at him/her. It's not that difficult to distinguish the difference between likings and dislikes.

I guess I know where I stand, and maybe it's best for me to wait? Or to take another step and move on? Confused but yet the answer is crystal clear. I tend to hesitate a lot, give myself some thoughts and false hopes and in the end, it is as though I am fighting a losing battle.

Nonetheless I will always try my best, to work hard in order to achieve something. So I'll remember, I'll keep those memories that I made it with you and treasure it. Even if you may not recognize me the next time you see me, at least I knew I made those beautiful memories with you, even for the shortest moments.

Memories, sweet and sour, somethings can never be forgotten.

If only memories can be sold, I'll be rich. hehe.

Hopefully..

2011-03-31T07:15:00.002+08:00

Hopefully today will be a good day.

A day I've been looking forward for.

What did you care about me?

2011-03-29T22:55:00.007+08:00

Tell me one thing you said you cared about me. For the past weeks, what have you actually done to make me happy?

You couldn't even answer me that and yet you say you care. Indeed you do. You cared enough to make me go through pain.

I can't imagine what you think because for my personal thinking, I don't think its language barrier. It's more to "understanding" barrier. When I explain, it seems like I'm restraining you. When I express, it seems like I'm overreacting. To you, everything I do or say seems like I'm holding you back. Don't worry because from how I see it, you just don't care.

Because, if you do, at least maybe I would have known. Little things you do, I do have eyes to see. Little things you do, I can feel. But even from how I see it, there's not even "little things" you do to put a smile on my face.

Maybe I might not be able to see it. Maybe I am blind for the moment but at least I know I did try to do those little things. At least try to make YOU happy.

So don't tell me that you care, because as how people said it, that action speaks louder than words. And also, walk the talk. What you say, you do. Don't just say it and do nothing because that just makes you a total lame person who knows how to talk but not do anything.

I'm not trying to start a fight or neither am I trying to make anybody angry/pissed off, but 9/10 people I've asked said the same thing, that they will instantly reply, for example, simply just this, " if you have any interest in that person and when that person texts you or calls you, you are literally very eager to reply/pick up the call. Right?" Guess you must be different. Therefore conclusion is, you said you care, what did you care about me? I've asked before where I stood in your life and you couldn't answer that simple question.

I may not see the other side of the book and I may not know the whole story, but I've read enough to know how this story will end. Nonetheless, I still m.y.

Will I ever hear your voice again? That's a question that's been playing in my mind. A question that only can be answered by you.

p.s. I don't hate anyone. I just feel left alone. I just feel that I could have someone in my life,that could make me feel like waking up the next day, looking forward just to be with you. Ain't life a bitch. If you truly care for me, I await for you to appear in front of me and show me that you really do care. That's if you can find me. Show me that miracles do happen.

Nothing different

2011-03-29T14:46:00.003+08:00

It wouldn't be any difference from day 1 you met me and day 30th. Because you didn't care like I do.

It's ok, I understand where I stood in your life, and I understand a lot of things.

You just don't care. You're exactly what this picture shows. Exactly.

What to do?

2011-03-26T06:17:00.003+08:00

What is there to do today? That is the question.

Feeling a little empty.

2011-03-25T06:38:00.004+08:00

Somehow as the day passes by, I noticed something is amiss.

I promised to have patience, I promised to challenge myself.

It really seems impossible. But I guess I can say I am trying.

I want to do as what the picture says..

But it really does seems empty without you.

If only you realize..

Desire

2011-03-24T02:09:00.007+08:00

Sometimes we look back and think about the things that we wanted, the people who we want to be with, and the people whom we want to become. All these desires comes into play and it all starts from the mind. Taking that first step and making sure that even after the first step, you'll keep moving.

I had a desire. And I still have. In fact I have plenty of desires but can I push myself to achieve those desires?

So I took some time out, to look back on the things I've done in the past, reasons why my life was all messed up. Took a deep breath and start opening up my mind, to set my mind on what my life is all about.
As I looked back, I come to realized that I've been doing it all wrong. Mistakes happens and sometimes we can't stop it from happening. But we learn from it and be stronger!

So I made an approach, to take a new step, to have a new desire and make sure that it is what I wanted. I talked to many people about these and I gotten different feedbacks.

Jess, is someone who made me think a lot ( emo a lot also, hehe). Although it was not long that I knew her, but she taught me a lot, without her knowing or even me. More so, I didn't realized it either. We all learn about the ways of life and the ways of love. She, made me opened up my eyes and made me grow more in sense of maturity. Hopefully I can keep this up.

Funny thing is we're just friends. But I know maybe there might be a "lil more than friends" thing going on but I really enjoy talking to her. Language barrier as she said, I guess this is the opportunity I will take to pick up more on Chinese! 我的中文不是那么糟糕!

So I really appreciate her for stepping into my life.Perhaps, she is my desire and she made it a little different.

And I think that even it is little, different is good. Thank you, Jess Chey Ying Sian!

and of course my beloved sister Melisa Ng who helps me numerous times.

Bunny teeth! muahahah! Don't kill me plx~

A life to begin with.

2011-03-21T04:03:00.003+08:00

I figured out so much and yet I've not walked the talk. I really need to stop all these nonsense and be rational and REALLY try to be patient. Something is in my head that bothers me 24/7 and I need to stop all those stupid thoughts.

So I'm heading off soon to Penang, for work of course and I'll be there till Tuesday. I hope I could take this time to open up my mind and clear alot of things that's been going through my head.
I would like to apologize to June for the miscommunication and the misjudgment I had earlier on with and also most importantly to Jess whom I countlessly accused and rant for no reason. Sorry!

Takes two to tango

2011-03-19T18:37:00.009+08:00

Annyeonghaseyo and good day people! After much confrontation and complications, I guess it just need a little more understanding and compromising on both sides. Nonetheless, as what this title says now, i stand by it and respect this quote.

It's never too hard to overcome barriers, it only takes a little more effort to make it happen. Normally what you work for, you will get it. Eventually. It may take seconds, minutes or years but hey, at least you know you work for it and you might have a higher percentage of getting what you want.

We must learn to appreciate what we have, or we'll lose what's most important to us.

It's just like us, under the moonlight.

Awesome pose!

But then again, we must know when to tango and when not to. If not, timing is off and all does seems wrong.

Well that's it for now. Another day to look after =)

I really love the way you lie.

2011-03-18T23:47:00.007+08:00

Day starts off as I woke up and wash up. Looked at my phone and it was just facebook notifications. I walked away as I sigh-ed, I guess this is how my day's gonna start. Had only 4 hours of sleep, had a great chat with my old friend from high school on skype, Crystal Tan and boy, she still looks as great as ever. She's currently studying to be a doctor in Russia and amazingly in just 2 months, she knows how to speak Russian language! I went and tried googling translate some russian words and I learn how to praise myself. Я смотрю здорово! ( I look great! )

As the day passes, it's all about the same thing over again. Go to work, drive around and go on-air and then back home. But today, things are a little different. Let the pictures do the talking.I get to enjoy The Comedy Club night and it was really a good laugh. Manage to put me to slight happiness but when I got home, I only gotten even more depressed.

How do you learn to trust when the person you want to trust is lying to you all the time? Isn't this just the same as my past? My past who lies to me numerous times but yet I chose to forgive and forget. But as I posted on Facebook before, we can forgive and forget but can we really forget?

Why am I going through so many obstacles when life's only just that simple. It's not easy but yet life's just like that. Plain, simple. Repetitive.

Back to the topic, first of all, why must you lie? So I won't get hurt? So I won't get emotional? What's the point? I've already said it is better to know the truth than to find out myself and it hurts me more than ever. Now that I know, it'll never be the same again. Because I know myself. I tend to be "oversensitive", "paranoid", or "over-protective". Then again I think this time, i deserved to be all that.

I guess I knew how my parents felt when I repeatedly lie to them back in the days. How hurtful it can be for them. Karma must be taking its hit on me now. If lying has a hit button, I think I know how it is like.

Lies. We can't live without them.

And really, it tears my heart into pieces.

I'm sorry.

2011-03-18T04:35:00.003+08:00

I noticed, how I always react towards small things in life. Some says it's a good thing, some may not like it. I think, after many overreactions, I would like to apologize to that one person who cared for me, I am sorry. I did not meant to be so unreasonable, sometimes I just say how what my feelings is telling me and honestly, I feel being honest is good.

Unlikely, being honest or straightforward isn't always good. Need to learn how to "jaga hati". I said things that are inconsiderate, without thinking about how it is like to be in her shoes, therefore I am sorry.

It's very hard to change, but somehow I feel that it takes a little more effort to compromise. As the saying goes " it takes two to tango", I really hold on to it for a long time. Literally in almost everything we do, we need to compromise, and also teamwork.

I've learnt so many things in life, that even in family, games or work, we need to work together to make it happen!

I just feel that sometimes, all I ask is to just take a little more effort to help me help you. I guess I must be asking too much..

I'm sorry that I've been so irrational, and unreasonable. I'm sorry for making you wait for me. Give me time to learn to adapt.

So near yet so far.

2011-03-16T04:13:00.007+08:00

I've been thinking about how this would work. It will never work unless we learn to let go of our past and move on. It is not easy as it is said but yet nothing is impossible as long you put your full effort and time into it, with proper guidance and help, it will happen.

Feelings comes into play when your heart is not focused. You tend to let your mind play with your feelings and when that happens, we think with what we feel, not with our mind that actually brings us to our senses.

Sometimes the truth is right in front of us but we choose to ignore and be ignorant to the things that cares to us. But then again, I'm not that kind of guy who turns my back to those who needs me most. What kind of person would I be to turn my back when that person needed me the most? Makes sense right?

I felt how he would feel if he were to go through what i had before. I knew it will be painful but yet I guess that's how life is to us. Cruel, but it only makes us become more vigilant and aware how the world is not so "oh we greet you with the most obliging manners" to us. The poor shall be poorer while the rich, of course, becomes richer.

As for now, let's put it that we both have our own goals, our own life to manage. Till we manage ours then only we will manage each other.

Picture says it all. =)

A moment like this

2011-03-15T05:04:00.010+08:00

I spent some time with my buddy, Benuari Hong Yi Ming, a friend of 9 years and counting at some mamak at Sea Park after meeting and some gaming session. We talked about our life, our past and what might happen in the future. Keeps me thinking, what have i been doing all these while?

He knocked some sense into me telling me how sensitive I've become and it wasn't him only who told me so. Jess told me the same thing too. Maybe like i posted earlier, my past haunts me. I'm sorry for being like this and I will try to be a better person. It's not easy especially what happened in the past..

I won't blame my past for turning me into an over-sensitive person but I'll look at it as a way to improve myself. Although we can't please everyone else, there's always some way you can put a certain happiness to someone else. Researches proves that happy aura/vibes so I guess it's time to work harder.

One Smile Could Change Others.

My princess always thinks I'm mad at her, but to be honest, sometimes a change in tones doesn't really mean that i am mad. Sometimes I want to be understand and I really don't want to sound demanding. I believe everyone have their own personal life where they are allowed to do as they like. Being controlled isn't something a person would like, most of the time ( although I do think there are people who likes to be controlled).

So let me share a little of this mysterious princess I am talking about. She's charming in some ways, a very unique smile. Funny thing is how we have our language barrier but I would say it's a challenge to me so I can improve myself and learn more languages! Because I wouldn't want to be a chocolate banana for my entire life so learning should be fun. Besides, my pronunciation still sucks like balls but HEY! at least I'm trying. Bear with me. Lol.

She does look at me differently, somehow majority of my friends ( girls ) says I look much better than before, seems like she agrees with them too! Heheheh. Must be my Afro hair that scares them last time. She doesn't seem to mind that I have a comfortable "pillow" aka my tummy =.= so I do feel comfortable at times but still malu-lah! She loves the way I smile, the way I smell, and of course she loves the way I am.

Hopefully things will go well *fingers crossed* and I still have loads to learn. Language, sensitivity, personality wise, and of course, socializing skills.

Oh, I'm with the Fly.Fm Troopers so do give me a holla if you happen to see my sexy car around.

I am just joking lol.

This is the real one. HEHE!

I guess that's about it for now. Till then!

Tiring day

2011-03-14T06:49:00.006+08:00

I don't know but somehow it's just tiring even after i slept for about 8 hours, i went over to Princess's place to "help" her out in her assignment. Apparently i didn't manage to do much, only very little work. Felt bit useless though. Haha.

Princess said my blog is a bit dull so i'll do something about it soon. Maybe add in more colours to my blog and add some extra pictures to illustrate some certain points?

I just got back and its 6.55am right now. So much for nocturnal life.

This is a beginning of a new week and let's see how interesting this would be! Monday blues. Boo!

Weird how a blog express so much with just words and it can change someone.

2011-03-13T07:20:00.002+08:00

It's funny to see how one can actually react towards another just by using words. Imagine the usage of words could cause wars and deaths.

It's been long since I've last blogged, as you can see the last date was like ages ago. So i decided to start blogging again, although there might not be much to say as i rather share it face2face.

Well, a little update about myself, I've been working for fly.fm for the past 4 months and it has been a great experience. I'm still learning alot, maybe perhaps one day i shall join the announcers if i am capable of doing it.

I've met someone recently that changes alot in me. I learnt to be patient, but sometimes I just lose myself and i think it is quite silly of me to do so. I need to understand, compromise and evaluate the situations before jumping into conclusions and it is affecting me badly. But it seems i'm starting to be slightly more patient, i hope. It's not easy to change from the past that haunts me but i'll take this as a stepping stone to be stronger.

This girl whom made my life seem so different now, somehow she's like the light in my darkest days. She may not be the best looking girl but she does have the best looking heart. She may not be ready but yet she's always making me smile. Although things with her ex isn't really helping her much in her studies and daily life, from what i can see, i think she's improving. Slowly but surely.

I found time to make changes in my past and now in the present, i need a lot of discipline. No hard work, no results. Think my parents did told me about it before but i guess ignoring wasn't the best idea.

So there's partially what i have to share with my readers. I guess i'll update again, when i can :)

* It's so boring!! *

2009-05-31T06:30:00.002+08:00

Omg finally, holidays! Rawr! it's so boring. Gonna find myself a job to earn some stupid cash to support myself! omg. :( so sad.

Life's been pretty dull, nothing much as usual. SAD MAN, my blog isn't so happening WeH! But we did a pretty neat music video for my film studies assignment and it was not bad i guess. And guess what, the winner of this music assignment won rm100. Like wtf man! I could have worked a little harder and won the cash right?

Really Lol ! Well, i guess i must have been pretty lifeless, been going cc almost everyday BUT i've been working out a little to try to keep myself fit but i epicly fail. hehe. No worries! I shall not give up for i shall be determine to keep myself fit and muscular. Maybe not now la. Kekeke.

I've been living a nocturnal live now, and heck my parents isn't liking this. But, I guess i need to change my lifestyle too. Sigh, things have been so different without her. But then again, life goes on as it suppose to be.

I need to talk to someone now. Pour out my feelings and let myself loose. Feel like going up to Genting, sit by Starbucks and enjoy the breeze, and then walk down the lane near the hill and shout my heart out! RAWR!

Who's the lucky person?

To be continue... ;)

* ESP HotDog 1901 *

2009-05-20T05:58:00.019+08:00

On the 19th of May, a couple of us gathered for this outing call ESP 1901 Hotdog Day. Host was Adrian Chow who actually didn't make it because he had to celebrate his gf's bday. Hahaha, and so we still move on without the host. Happy birthday to Jamie too! Not forgetting my other brother from another mother name Fung How, HAPPY BIRTHDAY OLD FART! hahahaha.

Well, not many ESP manage to turn up but hey, it's still fun no matter what. The people who went were
1. Raymond Pui aka Chucky
2. Me of course.
3.Joel Khor
4. Carment Loo
5. Don Shue
6. Khoo Yit Meng
7.Wayne Chua
8. Calvin aka Bambino
9. Kelvin Loo
10.Kimli ( Kelvin's new gf)
11. Afiq Aka Goat
12. Lee Bumil aka Joosuc
13. Meng Soon
14. Gary Heng
15. Daryl Heng

We gotten together at Pro X and then went to The Curve to the 1901 but we found out that the 1901 in curve has closed down due to certain reasons. So Don Shue called and informed us to go to Centrepoint's 1901 since it is the nearest one next to The Curve so we immediately change venue. Funny thing is that Raymond aka Chucky doesn't know where the entrance to the IKEA parking. Lmao, its just funny the way u hear it.

So we moved on to Centrepoint where we saw Don Shue, Khoo Yit Meng and Wayne Chua there. They were already lining up for the hot dogs. It is not bad ya know the Hot Dogs, Rm1.99 for one only on the 19th of every month.

Almost everyone bought like 5 each but I know i won't be able to finish it so i got myself 2. :D CheerS~!

This are the pictures that was taken.

* Time is essence *

2009-05-06T00:25:00.002+08:00

Hey people, sorry about not updating this blog of mine. Just did not feel like blogging at the moment. Nothing much to say anyway.

Life's pretty simple as now i only have college and gaming to go. Seems pretty lifeless but yea..Things got a little better with me and her. Too much grudges to hold against her and i don't think i'm the type who holds it in forever. Pretty much, i guess it is alright.

Some things popped up into my life and i doubt i will let anybody know about it. So far only one know. Besides my parents though. If that person is reading this, he/she would know what i meant.

Things might not go as how it may seems but at least, I appreciate things as how it is. Sigh, emo emo emo.

* Another victory *

2009-04-28T13:26:00.003+08:00

Just recently on the 25th of April, I had a Cod4 tournament at Tbun Aman Suria. Won first placing for team and 2nd placing for free for all. Prize was not much but we still won anyway.

Pretty much, my life's been nothing much interesting as my daily routine is almost about the same as always. Only just, that i don't have my other half with me this time. It has been 2 months since then. Almost 3 now. Friends were supportive but back in my house, constant nagging from parents.

Sigh. I really don't know what to do anymore. How can a person's heart be so solid hard no matter how much i sacrifice or willing to help that person? Speaking about facing reality.

Nonetheless, i doubt there's anything i can do to change the facts of life. Got to buckle up for my studies. Something is telling me that Cod4 is dying. I don't see the competitive spirit among the players anymore.

Sigh. People changes interest very fast huh.. same goes for love.. What is love all about then?

When one say true love is how both side expressed each others feelings, then how come true love will end so easily without a fight? Giving up when you did not even try? It's like saying that you can never be the best. You can, if only you work your way up.

Gary told me that he believe that i have the capability to be one of the best snipers in Malaysia. That's if i want to work my way up. To buckle up and keep up the consistency. I think what he speaks is right.

Recently, there has been a lot of controversy at my ex's blog. People keeps on dissing on her and discriminate her. I mean like, comon give it a rest. It's been almost 3 months plus this has been going on. Let it go people.

Even I can't do much to change who she wants to be. It is up to her, her own willpower to change into a better person. I think she is trying to. But you people out there are not giving her the chance to step out of the box.

I've given my best and if that isn't enough for her, that means i'm not the one for her. It is her choice to pick who she wants to be with, who she wants to be friends with. You people out there do not have the rights to tell her who to mix with or who she can be with. She chosed what she wants. And that is how things would be like as for now.

Please understand and put yourself in her shoes and think how it would be like when there's the world out there going against you and you have so little people to believe in you. It's not easy and yet it is very stressful.

As for now, only time will heal all matters. Give it a rest people. I only ask this favor from you for those who reads this. Everyone deserves a 2nd chance. If he/she misses that chance, they deserves a 3rd and so on. Life's not all about revenge and anger.

Do not let anger burn and rage inside you as it will only condemn you.

there's only 1 thing, 2 do, 3 words, 4 you.. XD

-kel-

P.s. Love is something that i would not give up and i shall see it around the corner soon ;)

* CyberFusion *

2009-04-17T02:19:00.026+08:00

Me walking down to victory. Lol.

We got interviewed by some hot reporter. It's pretty funny when i'm actually between two huge and tall guys.

The venue

My teammate and myself. Getting ready to register.

*smiles*

My team. ESP botaski. If you ever wonder what is botaski, go to youtube and watch this video clip called CATSHITONE. Awesome anime.

We're not the same height. Or at least i think i'm the tallest. I'm just bending down. Hehehe.

Retarded friend *Meng soon*. Lol. And also one of Malaysia's top Call of duty 4 player.

When you're bored, there's always some way to entertain yourself. Lmao.

My clanmates. Not everyone is here but hey, it's still ESP.

Apparently Gamestah editted this picture for us. Not bad eh?

Waiting for our turn to start.

The computers were great.

The Chart.

Esp. Botaski in action. From left, Mr.Pikachu aka Khoo Yit Meng, me, Holyboy aka Don shue, Quack aka Justin Lim and lastly, Jiat aka Wei Jiat.

When you're bored and stressed out, this is the most suitable item to buy.

Really.

Me and Kitteh's chick.

Pretty much i had plenty of fun. Special thanks to Cathrynn for taking the effort to come and support us although i told her not to bring that eyesore to come but it's the thought that counts, Jasmin too and her bf, Carment Loo who came by to support everyone, Mildred who is our whacko manager and most importantly, special thanks to Douglas for making this event run smoothly.

As for me now, days past so fast that i can't believe I've been actually single for like.. almost 2 months. Things changed so much but yet life still has to go on. I really can't help it when she's sitting with him and did not even acknowledge my existence. Seriously, acknowledge someone is better than ignoring.

Oh well, some people just don't learn from what they so-called mistakes. No matter how much i tried to help her, that "guy" just kept on poisoning her mind. Sigh. I can't help much once she's in his grasp. Only way to help her is to just tie something on to her and pull her out. Honestly, she's in all these mess, only because she made it happen. If she did not talked to him, if she did not meet up with him, all these wouldn't happen.

She said, when she talks to me nowadays, people start talking about her and spreading bullshit rumors. Like i said, if you want to make a change in what others say, you can always prove them wrong when you're with me. Its either you want to or not. What difference does it makes when u go out with that "guy" and other people sees u with him? No difference right? He's just about the same as me? Cos either way also people are still going to talk about you. So what if you came and whisper to me? Let people say what they want to say! So what do you think when you walk in, into pro x and others see u walking in with that "guy", talking so closely with him and whispering to him. How much difference is he compared to me?

Why is your reputation so bad around Dj? Have you ever thought that if you did not talk to "him", people would ever say anything about you? Well pretty much, it was you who started playing with the fire.

Sigh i really can't do much anymore but only hope for the best for her.

* feeling awkward *

2009-04-13T19:08:00.001+08:00

Is it just me.. or somehow i always feel her "presence" around me. I always have this feeling that i can smell her hair shampoo around me, her perfume and her voice.. Weird..

* Somehow, somewhere *

2009-04-08T03:30:00.013+08:00

I really think that only now, words can't express my feelings. Like some say, a picture worth a thousand words.

A word of Courage.

* I WONDER... *

2009-04-06T02:26:00.007+08:00

How things would be like, if I have not met her at cc.

How i would feel, standing alone in a competition without support.

How it is like to love and to be loved.

How simple things might be.

How my heart would feel with, or without pain.

How it is like to have someone supporting you no matter what you did.

How to please a girl.

How to understand a girl.

How to listen to a girl.

And most importantly,

How to love a girl.

Sigh.

I wonder.. *scratch my botak head*

P.s. Oh btw guys, im botak! :D not exactly bald but its just really really short. Just like some Shaolin Monk.

2nd P.s. My heart still aches.

3rd P.s. RAWR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

4th p.s. I need to win.

* Right...*

2009-04-03T12:35:00.001+08:00

Geez, thanks alot. I'm just your cod4 friend.

* life.. *

2009-04-02T21:24:00.001+08:00

Life is full of lessons. You learn something new everyday.

I wonder what am i going to learn tomorrow.

* light of shining hope *

2009-04-02T03:59:00.002+08:00

A slight improvement for today? :D

Or perhaps maybe it's just on my side.

Rawr.

-positive thinking-

* feeling lost.. like a lost puppy..*

2009-04-01T02:11:00.008+08:00

I never knew there would be a better tomorrow
But you've come into my life and taken away all my sorrow

My days of sadness are a thing of the past
Because I have found true love at last

My days of emptiness are gone for good
Because you fill a void in my heart that you should

You've opened a window
You've shown me the light
And my love for you will continue to burn bright.

You asked me before, what do i love about you. Let me explain, in a simple poem.

When first I looked into your eyes
each breath became a thousand sighs.
My heart drummed out a thunder beat
I glowed with joy from head to feet.
The hand of love had touched my soul,
as the bell of destiny began to toll.
The tide of love began to rise,
the world was filled with summer skies.
My sodden clouds of cold and grey
glowed with gold, then wisped away.
A brilliant rainbow arched across,
as waves of love began to toss.
The air was filled with lovebird cries,
when I first looked into your eyes.

When I first looked into your eyes,
all time and space were paralyzed
And in that instant, I was shown
a universe I had never known.
I dwell there still, in Paradise,
when I look into your eyes.

But..

I sat there by myself in class, and I was told that she would message me when she is done with her work. And i thought, fair enough, i shall not disturb her and leave her alone to finish up her assignments or project or whatsoever. I waited the whole day, till late night..she finally messaged me. And it was only 2 words. "Got match?"

It wasn't like how are you today?..Or it wasn't like she showed that she cared. She did not bother asking me how i felt today. How lonely i felt today without her. How empty my life is without her laughter, her smell, her smile and her love. She only thought from her point of view that i'm just asking her annoying questions. It is actually, I wanted to know how she was the entire day. To know whether is she alright? To know is she happy today? The way she talks to me now, so cold and i no longer feel the warmth and love she showed me before. The way she looked..wait.. glared at me when i said that the way she message me..it is like i'm a total stranger. Like..i'm nobody to her anymore. If she ever did care, she would at least, talk to me like how we used to. All the jokes we talk about, we laugh about small things and her clumsiness. I really missed those times.

She used to asked me out for almost everything, shopping, work, lunch, dinner, supper, or anything that you can think of. But now, she would rather ask him instead. I'm so lost. Your smile you gave me, melted my heart but yet what is behind that smile?

Have you ever thought of feelings? You said that when you looked into my eyes, you see a lost puppy. Yes, i admit i am very lost now. Without guidance, without you. I don't get it sometimes you always wanted it your way. Can't i have it mine?

She said when she sees me, she don't want me to be angry or upset or talking to her anything got to do with that "guy". I understand. Somehow, it still bugs me someway that my mouth happen to slipped those stupid words. I just wanted to be with her. Stand by her and watch her. Do her work, or play cod4 or eat.

It's been almost 2 weeks since i really spent time with her.I think if i were to count the hours she was with me, i think my fingers can count it all. Sigh. I don't know about her but i really do miss all those moments. It really does seems like, she's moved on. I've come to a conclusion, that it seems like I am no longer important to her in her life. Or perhaps, i may be wrong. IF she only shows more interest in me....

I'm just like a mere passerby. A guy whom she only know as a friend. Nothing more. Maybe less. She really can't see the true pain and agony i'm suffering now. That all my heart seeks is just for her to be back with me again. I don't know how long this will continue.

"The guy" spoke to me last night whether am i wiling to wait for her even if i reach age of 40. I told him yes, i will. "The guy" said, his time frame will be until end of this year. I told him, well..if you really love someone, its worth waiting for her. No matter what shit that happened, i believe that every human have their rights to get a 2nd chance. I'm still waiting for my 2nd chance. I'm still hanging on because she is what i believe in. I am sincere for i believe that until now, i have not betrayed her trust.

From what she is doing now, it only pains me more than ever. I want her to find me more than him. Why him than me? I wouldn't nag or scold much. Maybe a while but then I'll be fine. Let me get use to this. You spent more time with him in this 2 weeks than me now. You told me not to compare. He sees you more often than i come to pro x nowadays. *metaphor*

But today, although it may be very late, she still managed to find some time to visit me at Pro x. By the time she reached, I've already finished my match against CEBU (Phillipine team). Well, its the thought that counts.

"The guy" said that i had like 77% of chance being with her. I don't get it. If i had 77% of chance being with her, would she sms me so super uber short? Would she even go out with him? Somehow i feel he's just giving me false hope. Indeed i was happy when he told me that. But 77%.. 2 weeks, she didn't bother asking me out for movies. She didn't even bother asking me out for lunch. Nothing. Zip. SO is he lying to me? Did he meant 77% is for HIM? He purposely put this picture of him and her together on his msn display. Was the picture taken recently? I don't know. But it seems like it was. And they do look really close. It is as though, he's indirectly telling me to fuck off. I'm the one in between them both. Am i? :(

Again, I don't want to think much. As she told me not to also. And i pray, she will make the right decision.

I don't get it. He could even say that she would "pakat" with me to kenakan him. Means he don't even want to trust her. Sigh...

As I sit here gazing out the window,
Instead of working, I’m daydreaming of you...
And wondering if while you’re in your own world,
You’re thinking of me too.

I reminisce about the day we met and how you made me feel,
Looking at the glowing smile on your face,
Staring into your dreamy beautiful eyes,
Your smell, your touch, your warm embrace

What a special night that was...

And now, I’m starting to feel that warmth inside,
Like nothing or no one else can make me feel...
Butterflies, a constant smile, happy thoughts,
Looking forward to the next time we meet.

What lies ahead, down the road to love?
Can it possibly be what I’ve been hoping for?
All my goals, dreams, passions, hopes...
Glaring now before me with great anticipation.

No one knows what tomorrow brings...
One can only wish and believe...
I have abounding faith that God will take care of me,
And bring the right person into my life.

Could it be you?
Time will tell...
I feel a special bond starting between us,
And so I’m truly hopeful that it is (you).

If you are reading this, I hope you don't think of me being selfish or inconsiderate. I just want you. Things aren't just the same anymore without you. My other half is gone. Empty. Would you melt if you hear me say i love you? Or would you push me away, and say I'm no longer the one? Please hear my cry, for only you shall save my tears and bring back my heart from broken pieces to one.

I'm sorry for I've made my wrong step in the path to know you better. If only you gave me the time for me to change, together with me you shall help me up, to make me a better boyfriend, for i have already fallen and wounded myself. Bie, without you, i doubt i can love anyone but you.

If only you knew......

* undefeated *

2009-03-29T01:13:00.003+08:00

Hmmm, I am still wondering am i just being a used toy being played over again or am i really a somebody to her? Spent some time talking to her at her house 2nights ago, really trying to figure out if she would really want me back. I'll change,definitely but would she want to be back with me or she would rather go to that guy...That's the question now..i mean, am i really that bad as a bf? Sigh..But oh well..Today, we have our first promod tournament in Malaysia at Blitzone.

Apparently, Singapore's Top team, JEDI came down to compete too. Today was the qualifying rounds and my team made it thorough. We beat Team eG, and also FFF-Strife-.

Won against eG at Backlot 13-4, Crossfire 13-2.
Won against FFF-Strife- at Crash 13-2, Vacant 13-2.

Not bad for a start. Early in the morning, before Yit Meng ( also known as ESP.Mr.Pikachu ) i started off in a very good mood. Pretty much, i know it sounds silly but i dreamt that i was fragging like mad in Cod4. I know it really does sound funny, but i was like top frag! It's a good omen i told myself.

True enough, when Yit Meng came and pick me up, i told him about it and he just laugh about it. Hahaha, i know i know. But during our match with eG, i was performing pretty well! Well just so you know, for the past one week, i've been playing pretty badly. Not on form at all. But surprisingly today, i had a pretty good mood to start of the competition!

Got an Ace clutch for the final round against eG, awesome way to end my match. We hang out with the JEDI people and some SWL people too. Had a great time, listening to Josh telling us funny+lame stories. Josh really knows how to entertain people.

As for Cathrynn, well we spent some time together today. She came over to visit me during my tournament after her work to show her support. Gosh, is it because she's not my gf and that i notice she became more and more attractive? Must be some hex. lol. Jk.

Had dinner, and she pretty much went off to go and see him. -.- *you know who*. My parents are over in Taipei now. I think it is for the chinese festival thingy. Oh btw, my cousin from Australia came back and his accent, OMG! amazing. I wanna be an aussie now. lol.

Now, i'm sitting down here before i hit my bed, thinking alot of things that is bound to happen to me. Will I be happy if she comes back to me? Definitely, but would she still go out with him? I don't know. If she picks him, because somehow he always seems to be on her good side, like understanding, listens, carefree..so totally opposite of me now as I didn't like her going out with him. But, if she were to pick him, I guess..it is got to be my hair. LOL. Joking again. I guess..pretty much I've not given her what she wants.

Like i wrote before, When a relationship of love is developed, a bond of trust is formed. There is an unspoken agreement that the two of you are committed to each other and that you will not see other people. When one of the members of this sacred bond choose to be intimate with another person, they are not only cheating their lover but they are cheating themselves as well. They are breaking their own bond of trust. In most situations, when a person cheats, it is not because of affection for a new lover. Rather, he/she may be searching for what is missing in his/her present relationship.

Somehow, I really hope she sees what my heart is telling her. If only she knew.

I want to take the first step. But how?

* Walking down the moon *

2009-03-26T05:05:00.002+08:00

As i walked down the street, i felt the breeze that the wind blows into my face. It's a pleasant feeling. It was 3am before it started to rain. I stood outside my house and stare above the sky. I remember, i told her that whenever you're down, you look up into this beautiful night and you shall see the star i named after you. The brightest star..that's you.

Then as i walked around, each step i take, it is like walking down memory lane. Things we did before and said to each other. It's really something. Amazing yet beautiful. Nonetheless, it doesn't matter anymore. Because it seems like someone's ignoring all these. So, I've thought of this.

At first we loved, but not again.
We met at the cybercafe,
and we talked ever since.
We stood starring at each other,
I wondered the time, we'd
Stand together. Holding hands
as we walk down the street,
I wondered when our lips
Would meet.
My heart is broken, u seem
to ignore, The pain I
have, when u left me sore.
Our love was strong In which now your
heart is blind to see, now I feel
that your love has forgotten
completely about me.
Well all in all I'm heartbroken
Without u by my side,
I wish we could love each other
like we did that one time.

When a relationship of love is developed, a bond of trust is formed. There is an unspoken agreement that the two of you are committed to each other and that you will not see other people. When one of the members of this sacred bond choose to be intimate with another person, they are not only cheating their lover but they are cheating themselves as well. They are breaking their own bond of trust. In most situations, when a person cheats, it is not because of affection for a new lover. Rather, he/she may be searching for what is missing in his/her present relationship.

Would you just listen and please don't say a word, just yet,
I'd like you to think back to the very first time we met,
How you felt around me? The memories we shared,
And just remember that once upon a time, you really cared.

Now think about how we parted, and how much I cried,
But please don't speak, remember that I never ever lied,
That I told you the honest truth about why we were to split,
But now I'd like you to know that my heart broke bit by bit.

The pain was deep, unbearable and painful, for so many days,
I'll never forget all the sadness, all the uncontrollable tears,
Slowly I am rebuilding my life, I am content with what I've got,
And although it is hard I am beginning to forget what I have not.

You were a special part of my life that I will never forget,
A part of my life that broke my heart, but that I don't regret,
You gave me some happy memories that I'll keep in my heart,
Although sometimes I wish that you and I didn't have to part.

You were my first love and my true love, that will always be so,
After all of the heartache, sadness and never ending pain, I know,
You and I had something special and that will never change,
Because I love you and loving someone else will always seem strange.

I once heard a story straight from the heart
About a girl and how her world began to fall apart
It all started when she met the boy that made her life complete
Just thinking of him made her heart skip a beat
They were the couple everyone wanted to be
There were no imperfections as either one could see
As the weeks passed they fell more in love and were less aware
Of how often life turns out to be unfair
Until one day she finally gave in
She realized there was no way she could win
She said I'm sorry but i have to let you go
As he reached for her hand she pulled away whispering no
When she turned around a tear slid down her cheek
He just stood there speechless, forgetting how to speak
The next few days were the hardest at home
She truly felt she was all alone
Her mom pushed in her face how she had won
Her dad said "i knew he was just another one"
Her sister said "come on you'll be ok"
And her brother just tried to stay away
At school it was like her friends weren't even there
None of them seemed to really care
Her life had no more color, just black and white
Even getting out of bed turned into a fight
Despite their tries things just weren't like before
Then he decided "i don't wanna try anymore"
At that she tried to cut him out
But the more she ignored him the more her feelings began to shout
When she saw him that day she could no longer just walk by
And before she knew it her mouth opened up and out came "hi"
He looked up and said "so now we're talking?"
She just smiled and join his walking
Everyday they talked a little more
And everyday she began to like him a little less then before
As the months passed by she became more and more aware
About how its ok life's unfair
Because eventually everything becomes your past
But your memories will always last
And with that i hope you see
Not all love is meant to be
But hold on and don't give in
Stand tall, hold up your chin
And believe me when i say
The right one will come one day
He'll open your eyes to things you couldn't ever see
I know this because..this is a story all about me...

* What are you doing to me?*

2009-03-26T00:03:00.002+08:00

What are you doing to me!? Are you still giving me a chance or are you just holding me back? You know how much i want you back but yet, you still go out with him. Maybe that is the sign for me to tell me to fuck off of their life because i'm like the 3rd person who's interrupting their lovely life.

What the heck is going on? AM i no longer holding a place in your heart?

* ... *

2009-03-24T05:03:00.004+08:00

I don't know what am i doing. Day by day, i spend my time relaxing at cc. Thinking all the positive thoughts i can think of. After being through some hardship of 2 months, pretty much i thought it is enough. I put a stop to all this pain and call an end to it.

Today, after i woke up, it was like around 2pm. Hmm, recently I really can't sleep but when i do, it'll be around 5am or 6am. Went to CC around 3 something. Checked some stuffs and played some dota. It was a pretty normal day for me. Since my life, there's nothing much other than hanging out with friends, playing games or either that, sleeping. Dammit i think by doing all these everyday, i'm getting fatter day by day. Oh my gawd..DO SOMETHING! Rawr!

Everything was alright till when i was having a mix scrim against Jedi ( Singapore's Top team ), Cathrynn messaged me on msn. That moment, my msn status was online. So she kept on messaging me during the match i was having. Seriously, it started to annoy me. It wasn't her messages, it was the msn. Lol. Then i changed my status to busy so there won't be any noise to interrupt my game.

Cathrynn told me about what happened during the day. Supposingly i promised to see her after her work. But apparently Sean said he's going to see her, so i thought plans were off. Seems like she prefer to go out with him, that is what i thought.

She started being emotionally sad, saying that so many of her friends are going against her, and yes, from what i can see from her blog, there's a friend of hers who lost her respect for Cathrynn due to her doings.

Honestly, I think her friend is correct at some points. Her friend said that "i doubt its bcos "you're not meant to be". It's bcos YOU chose to make it like that. so YOU made it bcome "not meant to be". I lost my trust in you." Although this statement may hurt alot, but somehow i do think this person is right.

You had the choice to make but you chose something else. It's like giving you a boat, but you chose to swim. I really have no idea how much info she gotten from whoever who likes to gossip about me,cat and sean but seems like its pretty much the right facts. Not all but most. My opinion i guess.

Cathrynn got so emotionally disturbed after she saw what her friend wrote. Honestly, I really feel bad for her. She's been through so much troubles and problems, some people don't see things from her point of view. Only if she opened her heart and share her problems with me, i might help. Maybe not financially, but emotionally.

Action speaks louder than words. What you say, you must entrust your words. It doesn't carry any weight if you say what you want to do, but in the end you didn't do it. It's like giving an empty promise.

So back to the point, she told me that i deserve better, everyone pity me and think she's the villain, she was at the verge of commiting suicide. Well, she has every reason to say it because she's undergoing through a moment of hardship and pain.I totally understand.

I told her and i'm telling her again. I won't nag at you simply because i want to. I did it only because you talked to Sean. I wouldn't be grumpy, but i was because you went out with him. I wouldn't be sarcastic, if i weren't angry. Well basically, if it weren't for him to pop up between us, we would have been a great couple. Sorry to "him" but its the fact.

I know there were times when i start to think alot and all those thought never really happened, or i think it didn't. So partially, I admit it is my fault. But she shouldn't even have the choice of choosing between 2 guys if she loves me.

I mean, readers, you get my drift right? When a person loves you with all his/her heart, no matter who talks to you, or tries to win your heart, it doesn't affect your relationship right? You can choose to ignore but you chosed to acknowledge.

Hey, one thing, I know that although im 21, I never really thought at myself being mature. Although i want to be one, i think i still have loads to learn. Even i would say my younger brother is even more mature than me, not only that, he's smarter. I'm not afraid to admit it. Because it is the truth. Why hide the truth when you know the answer yourself?

Ok ok, i'm starting to get out of topic. Well, after she said all those, it made me worried. Sometimes, i think she's quite silly. Suicide is not an option. Think wisely because killing yourself doesn't solve any problem. So i got worried, and i asked Chucky to send me over to her house.

I stood outside, waited for her and she came down to talk. As usual, with my "normal" tone, i say the exact same thing i asked her before. "What do you want?" Is this how you want things to be? I told her that i wanted things to be like how it was back then when we first coupled. Boy, i really miss those times.

Somehow, she always believe "him" whatever he tells her. Imagine if he tells her pigs can fly, oh my gawd, if she believe that..I will tell other people i'm the president of US. I mean like, common sense, we can't please everyone in our life. There is going to be definitely SOMEONE who doesn't like you.

She gets paranoid and thinks the whole world dislikes her. Sigh, this "guy" really manipulates her kao kao. Like literally brain-washed. Adding bleach also. Seriously, you need to interact more with other people than just him.

I told her, i've given her the option to choose. I've given her chances to change. She didn't take and she did not choose..just not yet. From what she claims, she would not be seeing "him" tomorrow onwards. Main reason was because she wants back her old life. If you want your old life back, there are loads you have to sacrifice. Are you willing to let go what you have now to get back your old life? Are you willing to sacrifice? Ask yourself if you do. I did. :)

I tell you this, it's darn hard not to see someone you care. And plus, I think that he won't accept the fact that you suddenly start to ignore him. But if you keep your words, then i know..although you are not with me as a girlfriend, i know that i can trust you as a friend. That's my respect for you. Because you can keep your words. Make your words carry some weight.

At least now, you will slowly regain what you've lost. And not forgetting how your friends supported you when you left him. But now i do not know. Better not to say anything.

Respect and trust is hard to gain. But once regain, it is easily broken. Learn how to treasure this trust and respect when you earn it. Last time, during my form6 days, I loved this girl name Lee Jiaqi. And i swear in the name of God, I did not betray her trust. Somehow, she heard from "my trusted friend" that i was flirting behind her back. She said i'm a lier. A flirt, and she said i'm not worth her respect. I know that till now, it is very hard to gain back the trust which i lost. Due to a "trusted friend". So sometimes, trust when given, don't abuse it.Cathrynn,You're not a bad person at all. You're a great girl. You know it. But you just don't know how to show it. ;)

Maybe I might not be the one. Who completes you and make you whole. But if being with me makes you wake up from this nightmare, i'll be glad to stand by you and walk through this hardship together. Friends or lovers. You choose.

Besides, I'm a guy who did many wrong doings before. Lied to my parents, stealing money from them, played with other girl's feelings and ignored my good friends. For now, i'm pretty much changed, and i still am trying to change to be for the better.

We've all stepped into the wrong shoe, now it is whether you would like to move on with a new shoe, that fits you and makes you comfortable. I pray that Cathrynn will be strong, throughout all this hardship and pain. Although I've been through pain worst than hers, I had friends who supported me. Now i want her to know that even whether i'm her boyfriend or not, i'm still here to support you.

At least, I want her to know i'm still care for her and i will be here for her like i promised. No matter how many people who dislikes you, I'll still be standing by your side to tell others that you're really a great girl. :)

Please don't be silly. There're tonnes of peoeple who still cares for you. Not forgetting God. ;) GAMBATEH CAT<3!

* To move on *

2009-03-23T03:00:00.002+08:00

I guess pretty much after having a really good talk with my friends, i've awaken from this nightmare and realized that no matter how hard I try to work things out, it shall never be the same again.

One good friend of mine said " No matter what happens, the show must go on". Awesome. Totally believe that now. I can't keep looking back at my past and hold on to it as the reality hits me in the head and say " dude, what are you thinking? "

Although the things we had was really beautiful, i don't know whether it will be again. The foundation we built together has fallen. Whether we have to materials to start again, that's the question.

I've been bitten once, the scar's still there. And then i've got bitten, again and again. Sooner or later, this wound is so hard to heal as it keeps on getting bitten. So i have to avoid from being bitten again. This time, i'm more agile. :D hahaha, if you get what i'm trying to point out here.

So i'm pretty much gonna take the first step out of this. Like "fren" said, " If you know the truth, will you be able to take the first step out?" and i said yes. At least, I know the truth.

You know, to whoever whom i've been with together before, I always tell you this thing. If you want to go out with whoever,anywhere and anytime, all you have to do is just let me know who you're going out with and where. As long you know where you stand, i know where i stand. But of course, if i'm your boyfriend, i wouldn't really like it if you go out with a guy, just a 1on1 for movies or something. Its rather disturbing and of course, brings up the jealousy.

But other than that, it'll be all fine. What i dislike most is about lying. Don't have to lie to me because somehow, sooner or later i'll find out. Somehow. I always believe that you just have to tell me the truth. Truth hurts, but hey..at least i know you're telling me the truth. At least, i know i can trust you. But *i'm no stalker k!.. hehe*

SO i guess thing's going to end here. A chapter of my life, has now come to an end. A new beginning of a chapter begins.

Take care my sweetheart. I pray you'll be happy with him. God bless you. I'm going to miss your "noty" side and your sweet love. :)

* I just want Sugar! *

2009-03-21T21:23:00.003+08:00

I just want to Sugar to know..i still need Sugar. Sugar goes out with him for so long, God knows what Sugar's doing with him.. :( I just wanted to hold Sugar in my arms and never let her go.

Sugar says they're not together. Seems like they're like together. Spending the whole day together.. Sigh..I feel so empty..

I saw Sugar today, she came all the way to Time Square today just to see me. Or perhaps just because Chia Hao called Sugar. But Sugar said it was just coincidental that what i wrote in my blog and so happened Sugar came. I thought it was really true love and fate already once Sugar appeared right in front of me. But what makes me feel worst was that "he" was there with Sugar.

*Ouch* My heart tore again and it bleeds worst. I long to hug her, kiss her and hold on to her forever. I'm now really confused..Sometimes i feel so helpless. Like i could not do anything to please her. When she's hungry, last night i was pretty much sure Sean bought some food for her. Well i couldn't. Not because i can't, but it was just because i got lack of money. 'He' could buy her expansive stuffs, expansive food like McD and Sushi everyday. Her favs. 'He' knows how i am not able to provide all those for her so he used it to his advantage. Pretty much i told him how my financial issues were and yea, seems like he's using it to his advantage.

Sometimes now I think "he" is trying so hard to get her and she's really giving him a chance. Sometimes i feel beyond hope. Like i am uncapable of accomplishing so many things. Am i such a bad person? I wanted her to know that I'm still the same old romantic Kelvin who is willing to sacrifice anything for her. But seems like "he" is pretty much trying to do everything that i wanted to, seems like there's nothing much for me to do.

However, then again if somehow there will be a slightest chance that i could win her heart, then i shall fight for this. I know, that when there's a will, there's a way. Definitely there is. Lets see if she really gives me the opportunity like how we used to have things before.

I'm longing for the warmth she gave me before, her kiss and her hugs. Her passionate love.

If only she knew i needed that.. ;)

* Eager to know the truth *

2009-03-21T02:54:00.012+08:00

I always wonder, did that person really cared? Lets say i put "that person" as Sugar. Sugar never really bother talking to me of late. Sugar always gave me hope and told me that somehow, someday if fate brings us together, things might be better. But then again, i ponder over and i ask myself. Kelvin, what have you done to yourself to desevere this? Have you done something that Sugar actually ignored you?

I guess pretty much it's got to be me. Somehow today i texted Sugar, Sugar totally ignored it. Not a sound from Sugar. It's been 2 days since Sugar last talked to me. I wondered how is Sugar. Pretty much one day i walked into Centrepoint Mcd, I saw Sugar there..with someone whom i dislike utmost being so close together doing some work.

My heart shattered pretty badly. I guess I'm pretty much done for. Sugar told me that Sugar's pretty confused. I'm now quite sure what "confused" meant for Sugar. Sugar told me once, that i've already given up.. i don't think Sugar knows what giving up is. Sugar actually thinks i'm going to give up despite all these that's happening. Sugar didn't think that no matter how mean i was, i still care and lover Sugar? Sugar knows i sacrifices alot. Did Sugar do anything about it? I don't think Sugar ever thought of how i felt. I expected so much from Sugar, none actually happened.

I guess there's nothing much else to say. My heart aches in pain every moment i felt something's that amiss. Knowing that tommorow, 21th March, I shall be attending a tournament called Sudden Attack at Time Square. But this time, Sugar isn't there anymore. I hope that i could find the same spirit when Sugar was there last time. When i looked into my WGT pictures, i saw how Sugar stood by me, supporting me no matter whether i win or lose. Sugar once said " You know, whether you win or lose, you're always my winner". Sugar also once said " I should have been there for you. It won't happen again i promise. I will always be by your side...Everytime you're playing. Cause i'm in your heart and your are in mine, always number 1 , Bie. Always number 1. I love you Kelvin. they next time you play, i'll make sure i'm by your side. If not, you can punish me however you like ;) ". Hahaha, the good old days.. Oh well..like i said..Sugar's no longer here anymore for me.. If Sugar shows up tommorow at Time Square, then i shall know that Sugar truly loves me and i will definitely be the happiest guy in the world.Because i sacrificed for her before. I wonder if Sugar will be able to sacrifice for me. I took the afford to walk from 1u to Tropicana City Mall,I wonder if Sugar would take the afford to find me in Time Square.But then again, by the time Sugar realizes this, i doubt Sugar would want to do anything about it. So.. Haih..But Sugar didn't bother to see whether i'm fine or anything. Sugar just left me hanging there.

Last time, when i fought with "someone", Sugar was so worried and left me alone to see "someone" to see how is he. How about now? Did Sugar ever rushed over and ask me,"hey Bie, Are you alright?". I pretty much know that now I'm fighting a losing battle. Cause now here i am fighting to save every bit of this Sugar but Sugar doesn't seem to bother. But have I lost the War? I really don't know. Sugar doesn't know how much pain I'm going through. Even if Sugar knows, Sugar isn't doing anything to ease the pain. Pretty much standing alone.

Well, I hope i don't worry too many fellow friends out there. I know I may look extremely down and sad when you guys accidently mention the word "cat" but i guess thats pretty much how i have to go through life..

I've been training pretty much with my team for Sudden Attack. Although it is still last minute but hey, it is still worth getting ready for. Rm4000 for the first placing! I hope that i will win tommorow. I just had an ACC match too just now. Around 9pm against EG Clan. As usual ESP pulls out a terrific play and won both rounds. End score was 13-6( Esp won in Crash) and 13-2 ( Esp won in Crossfire). Plus i was expecting Sugar to come, as Sugar said Sugar might drop by. I guess Sugar didn't care at all..

I pray Sugar is getting well, and i still miss Sugar alot. Like the name, sweet as always. Too much of it, causes diabetes. Lol! i'm just kidding. What i had with Sugar, was the most beautiful thing ever. But it only went wrong with this "someone" came in. It's like peanut butter and jam. Suits each other but when you add soya sauce inside, urgh. Lol. Sometimes i wish that i could turn back time. To re-adjust what went wrong and make my life beautiful.

Seems like I can't..Why can't Sugar realize Sugar's my other half. Hmm, i guess my other half is ignoring me. No wonder i'm feeling pretty empty. Sigh..and alittle *ouch* to it.I know that i've been pretty grumpy. I'm quite sure that the reason was because of that someone.If it weren't for the "someone" i guess i'll be the happy Nobie boobie.

It still has to come to an end one day, i just pray really hard that Sugar knows what Sugar wants in life. Sugar's a wonderful person. Only just fickle minded. Sugar will turn out just alright. <:) And i really want to win tommorow's competition. Rawr! Rm4000!

~ Sugar sugar~

-heartache Nobie-

They say "True love doesnt have a happy ending: True love doesnt have an ending." I definitely believe it.

* Eager to know the truth *

2009-03-21T02:54:00.000+08:00

You are really someone special

2009-03-19T06:42:00.002+08:00

Sadness and Frustrations

2009-03-18T05:41:00.004+08:00

BAH!! only pictures could express how i feel right now.

Am i lost?

Story continued

2009-03-15T15:34:00.013+08:00

Heyloo peeps,

So as promised, I'm here to continue my journey of 2008.

After i met the girl i loved, there was a major event that was coming up. It was WGT. WGT stands for World Gamer's Tournament. Grand prize was rm7500 for 1st. awesome rite? :D

So we trained hard and debrief on our mistakes after every training. So the day has come.

After much stress and playing, we finally ended up at 4th placing. First placing goes to ESP's team 4, 2nd placing goes to team RnF, while 3rd went to ESP's team 1. Basically we lose not only our voices, but we lost to team 1 and 4. But everytime we lose, we only improve more.

So after WGT, there weren't any upcoming tournaments. Team Emo began to slack. They said they'll only train the following year. As for me, i took the initiative to pick up Promod, an international mod that has been going on in Singapore and other countries too. So during our break after WGT, Justin aka Quack and i have been playing alot of promod.

Meeting new people and learning new spots in the game. I always thought in my mind that i'm pretty good in Malaysia. Standing next to Quack and Susu, I'm like the 3rd best. But after i met other people all over the Asian countries, I knew that I have loads to learn. Pro Extreme was bought by Blitzone owner, Mr.Pua so most ESP-ians moved to Pro Extreme as it was quiet and a more chilling place.

At the same time, Pro Extreme was able to allow us to go online and play cod4. From then, Justin and I practiced almost everyday. As lifeless as it seems, I do spend time with my gf and also go for classes. Oh btw, I'm currently studying in KDU, PJ. I'm doing mass communication and it is my 2nd semester now. I know it's kinda slow for me but hey, it's never too late to study right? Cheers!

So we start a new year, 2009. Honestly, it's been pretty shitty to me. I found out things that i didn't like. I'm going through tough times and i guess this time, no body's there for me. Maybe there is but I must be really blind not to acknowledge them. When I open up my eyes now, I realized that there's so much things i have not done in life. So much, but yet time's ticking away. I'm 21 for christ's sake.

As for now, i guess i have to settle things myself. I really don't know how but i will try my best. I hope and pray for the best.

I'm currently participating in ACC which stands for Asian Cod4 Championship. And so now we'll just keeps our fingers crossed and pray we'll win.

And currently Falk is currently making a frag movie for one of my matches against SWL. Here's a sneak preview of his excellent work.

Resurrection Of My Blog

2009-03-14T13:26:00.023+08:00

Hey there peeps, I finally manage to renew my blog now. Give the credits to this girl whom i loved, Cathrynn Wong Li Xia.

Anyways, lets begin with a update with what I'm currently doing with my life. After my form6 school life, I've began to venture on into working life. I tried Telemarketing with Don Shue, which was actually quite fun for the first month. The pay was alright, RM1200 a month. But as I began to realized that i suck hard in persuading people to buy insurances, I could not cope with the pressure the team leader has been putting on me. So i left the telemarketing company after a month and a half.

As life goes on, I was asked to join this clan named ESP. Let me tell you how this happened. One fine day, I was at blitzone Zone 2 with my dota kakis. So sometimes while we're waiting for people to join our game, I would log into Call Of Duty 4 to kill some time. As i could remember, i always like to use P90, silencer with the perks of 3 stuns, stopping power and extreme conditioning. Surprisingly, I get top frag in certain maps until certain ESP players came in and pawnt me. So, as i was saying, this HUGE ass dude called Zachery Ng aka Sanction and Afiq aka Goat approached me behind my chair. Sanction tapped my chair and i turned and i saw this 2 guys standing behind me as though i've done something wrong.

Sanction asked me, "erm, excuse me Nobie.. I wonder if you could follow us out for a little while" and looking at the way Goat looks at me, with crossed arms.. i thought ok, fark..i'm in deep trouble. So as i followed them outside and i thought, Shit man how am i going to fight this 2 huge ass guys? hahaha, so as i walked out, Sanction looked at me and asked me "Nobie, would you like to join our clan ESP? We saw how you played and we need a last player so we think that you r the most suitable one"

So i was like shocked, because i never really knew what a clan was, besides dota clan "konon-nya". Sanction gave me the position as an assault rifle man in the team. So i told him to give me 2 weeks to think about it. LOL! I made myself sound so important and the next 2 days you know, I immedietely accepted the offer.

And life continues as my team was named EMO and i got sponsored T-shirts, and made new friends. My first competitive competition was held at TBUN, somewhere around may 2008. And to my surprised, for the first competition i ever joined for FPS gaming, I've gotten 2nd placing! Awesome rite?

Well, it is still better than nothing. So from then onwards, i began to work my way to the top. A couple of months later, I found out that there was a competition which was held in Singapore that was called Sling HD Cod4 Championship. I asked Brian * ESP's founder and Leader to give me the opportunity to go and learn more thus try my best to win. Going to Singapore was the best experience i ever had. I learned and met new friends. Singapore people aren't that Kiasu as you peeps in Malaysia think so. I've met Quikz, Genesis * Donald and many more! Awesome people.

So after i came back from Singapore, I improved tremendously in my personal skill. I learned alot from Susu which is also known one of malaysia's top cod4 player. Meanwhile i met someone whom i fell in love with. Her name is Cathrynn Wong Li Xia. She was the girl who stood behind me everything i played cod4, watching me play in awe and somehow she always smells good when she's around me.

We met, talked and soon enough we fell in love. Things were beautiful although we had some other complications that happened along the way. She was almost the perfect girl i dreamt to be with. Almost. She was there when i needed her most, she was there whenever I was competing or training for my game, she was someone whom i know i can't live without. Let me show you who this awesome girl is.

Yes she is the one. My love, my one and only. Well, as for now.. mayb some of you who don't know..we're not together at the moment. I really do miss her alot.

Well, that's it for today. Basically there's plenty more to come. After how i met her, i joined a few other competitions and one big event that was WGT. Will keep you peeps up to date. Cheers and IM BACK BABY! RAWR!

2007-03-16T01:57:00.001+08:00

testing testing..1 2 3~

2006-11-02T15:18:00.000+08:00

hey ppl..its been really really long since i last blog..though i noe my blog is rather dull..im too lazy to do anything bout it.. hehe.. pardon my lazyness..life goes on as days past..today its 2nov 2006..

so..alittle updates wif my life..im currently still single..been going out alot wif frens and spendin alot of time in cc..* cybercafe* but..i somehow feel some emptyness inside me..its not like im saying tat a girl wud complete my life but i guess..i ned something to spice up my life.. i've not been exercising for bout 2 months straight..i think im putting on weight like mad..i ned to exercise!!!

so its near end of d year alreadi..my bro's gonna sit for his spm im gonna wish him all d best for him!! hahaha..shit man..its gonna rain.. i ned to off d com now.. i guess ill reblog again later.. =P take care ppl

leading a odd but happy life

2006-08-15T19:00:00.000+08:00

hi ppl..i know i haf not blog for a very very very long time cos its august alreadi!! ehhe.. 15 aug 2006.. things din turn out well between me and brenda but it took me quite some while to let things go.. studies for me..ish im slacking alot..been not myself recently..im day dreaming alot..thinkin alot bout this girl and tat..weirdo? i think i am..haha..haih..dam man..i dun wanna slack cos if i do i know im dead meat for sure..if i've got a chance to just stop form 6 and start coll..i wud just leave skool and study wat im interested at..interactive multimedia..honestly tats wat i wanna learn..hehe..

life's been stressful..parents been bugging me to do housework..alot!! hahaa..and im putting on weight like..super fast!! i cant stop eatting!! nuuu!!!.. suddenly im interested in futsal and football..seems like my frens r like more into football rather than basketball.. if u wanna noe more bout me and brenda u cud always ask me online if u do c me.. ehhe..things just din turn out the way it seems.. : x

chong xian's bday just past and everyone celebrated for him..small surprise party..hun yee was kind enuff to celebrate for him..its really sweet of her to actually gather ppl from form6 and ex-du ppl to meet up and give chong a surprise party..surprisingly i knew practically all of the du ppl except jovi..AND CHONG XIAN SPOILS THE PARTY!! PARTY POOPER!! he just comes home and say "hey where's my party?" ish ish.. PARTY POOOPER!!! hahaha.. funny guy... i din even regretted once knowing this guy..so i finally met wen ting again..tat blur blur girl..she looked so diff..hottie!~~~ woot

haha..so things still goes on for me..im still lazy and im not doing my hw..as usual..hahaa..lazy me.. >< well then back to my bed!! sleeping time.. hwahwahwa..

hey ppl!

2006-06-19T22:14:00.000+08:00

heya ppl..its been really really long since i last updated my blog..so im gonna update it now.. =p today..19 june 2006..things haf really change ever since skool started..got a new life..new study life..new environment..new girl to pikat..loll...as times past by..things begun to change..study life..everything..i've begun to learn about ppl..my surroundings..hehe..ok..now..bout the new girl? her name is brenda..brenda sau..used to b from DU skool and currently in the same skool as me..it all started on the first day of skool 12th May 2006..i noticed her from the first day of skool..sweet smile..nice girl..seems frenly..basically i've seen her b4..but i dun know where..same age though.. : ) so i pretty much find her quite attractive,adorable and super frenly..haha..we got to know each other through eunice..weird intro though..lalala times past and we finally got to know each other much better one the last day of skool b4 the 2 weeks whols started..got her num and she got mine..sort of msged her first after skool and she responded pretty quickly..she has a very nice personality..i knew something might happen between us..bought for her tickets for the x-men movie..had alittle conflict wif the samadians..bout the tickets and etc..but anyway..brenda was muh movie date so everyone thought there was something going on between us..lol~ yup yup..crap no time for the rest..time for update tmr! ehehe..

wooooah!

2006-05-26T21:24:00.000+08:00

so today.. 26 may 2006..skool orientation had this frenly match..futsal and captain ball..ehhe..first round we lose like 1-0..argh! but 2nd round it was like 2-0!! thanks to habib and all my other teammates! hehe..owh yea..remember me saying jason got the award mr.freshie? i also got one myself..MR. leadership..woot..not bad eh? hehe..ok ok ..back to the topic..after futsal we played captainball..honestly..my team was like..super unbalance bcos..majority of my members r like super dam dam tall! hahaha..no way they cud beat us..satchid was like..WOAH SUPER GOOD GOALIE! hahahaha..he was like the klcc tower..super tall..hahaha..dam ez to score man..thx man satchid! hahahah..after tat..bought brenda ice lemon tea.. >.<.. satchid and his fren also borrowed some money..muahhaa..im like ATM machine..money comes out..nothing comes back in..LOL! ;p anyway got back to the dewan kulia..we did the appreciation card for our..er..unknown teachers..lol..got all my new bud's number..including chongxian,satchid,kar fai, brenda, lay hwa, etc etc..hahaha..gonna play prank calls..muAHHAA.. :P well ppl..dam sien la..its super bored..but ill blog more..tc ppl

wth!

2006-05-25T19:32:00.000+08:00

wth..i got some freaking stalker from samad skool..hahaa..fuck man...haha..so skool's fun..had our 2nd orientation..we got wet, floured and made ourselves like a fools in front of them..argh..ahhaha..but it was fun..my team..who actually got last in every game..we won 2nd! hahaha..so happy..lol..super tired after wat we've been through..jason our muscle macho won the freshie award!! *i dunno wat freshie award means* hehe..and as for me! i won mr. leadership..woot..jason our macho guy can do 50plus ONE HAND push upS!! woahhhhh~ macho macho ass man~ lol..after tat..jason,shiau,me,brian,brenda,eunice,habib, benjamin all got selected to be auctioned..hahaha..benjamin onli worth rm2.60..wahaha..habib was like 32 ringgit man..woah..as for me, i was bought for rm 30 wif jason,brian and shiau~ woot! hehehe..it was super fun today..surprisingly eugene cud cooperate so well..not bad for him! hehe..he's like anti social guy..so im proud of him today after wat we've gone through together..ehhe..brenda got floured kao kao..alll over her hair..her shirt..lol! her whole body got wet too! same goes for me, jason and shiau..hahaha..dam..the obstacles was dam hard..but the day ends in a very happy ending.. :) im glad i did join form 6.. alious

aikz!

2006-05-23T19:00:00.000+08:00

Aloha! hahaha..blogging time again..today's the 23 may 2006..hehe..form 6 was fun..but for the past few days its been dull wif all the talks about career options n talks about skool stuffs..knowing our teachers etc etc..yawN~ ok..honestly im not trying to boast bout how great am i..etc etc..but its just tat..3 days in skool onli and the whole lower 6 knows me.. >.< !!! tats really like..dam fast..ehhe..so i got to know tat girl..her name's brenda sou..she've this nice smile..nice hair..everything also nice la..haha..bet she's also dam smart.. >.< sadly she isnt the same class as me..hahaha..been noticing tat she's been noticing me..so mighty chance for me..hehe..kidding kidding.. so life's been fun for me..tmr's doom's day..the upper 6 r going to buly uS! more stories to come..after this break~ :P

sori bout not blogging! hehe..

2006-05-20T21:35:00.000+08:00

hey ppl..sori for not blogging for the past few days..been really bz wid stuffs and college life..etc etc..had some debate wif my parents bout going to college n form 6..haih..finally decided to go to form 6..form 6 seems alrite..less stress though..oh well..today is the 20th May 2006..nothing much happened recently..onli tat ive been exercising like mad..hehe..very tired also..form 6 started yesterday..19Th May 2006..supposingly we're asked to give our application form but noOOo..nobody do anything..lol..teachers givin lectures..omg..dam freaking boring..eyes almost drop..hehe..but suprisingly i've alreadi known about 70% of the students there..basically mostly all from du n samad..hehe..so far..no leng lui.. 0.O.. but noticed one girl..she's the best among all the girls la..confirmed..hehe..on yesterday evening..played some basketball match against some taman megah skool..o ya..i played for my juniors..from smk bu4 ..haha..we won..not bad eh? all those taman megah guys r like dam old..20++ and still lose to us..muahaha..malu betul..somemore i kena ketuk on my head dam hard..some guy elboww me when he was doing a layup..deng..now my head got bruise..pain pain! lol..hehe..i got my hair cut last week! @.@ ppl say its neater though..not so bushy.. LOL!..haih..ill blog more ya..but wont b so frequant due to parents and studies..so take care ppl out there..those who cares for me..haha..im still looking for movie dates.. >: )

: )

2006-05-07T23:15:00.000+08:00

heyz..another update for the past 2 recent days..today is the 7th May 2006..i've met kathryn lee..its been 3 years since i last saw her..she was all alone in mCD 1u eating..haha...such coincidence..she's still all pinky..haha..hmm..on the 5th May i went for taylors shuffling competition..and woah its super fun man~ ..not bad for me as i can pick up shuffling fast..1 week to get use to the moves..haha..fun fun fun..its dam nice..chee seng brought me to taylors..though ming sun was hella of a noisy guy..haha..gary and fuk han..both learnin also..haha..bought a nice t-shirt but unfortunately i cant post it up cos i dun haf any cam..lol..chee seng brought me to Asia cafe..not bad u know the food there..hehe..but quite costly..first time there! woot..and..the most depressing news.... i cut my affro hair! omg..hahha..im near to botak d..its cooling though.. : ) so life goes on as it is college life draws nearer and now im stuck between 2 paths..form 6 and college..and all this decision is all under my father's hands..i pray tat he wud give me a chance to study at college..cant wait for their reply..irsyad left alreadi to cyberjaya..my dota kaki! argh..seems like its so dam boring without him.. *im not gay*.. well..life goes on and on..nothing much happening..nothing new..onli thing is..im learning a new skill..which is shuffling..then ill b into hip hop dancing..hehe..then etc etc..studies come first!! argh..so much to do..so little time.. yvonne..thx for reading my blog..haha..my peminat setia! hahha..li sher also..i think.. >.<

well..gtg d..updates more to ggo..take carez..and still looking for ppl to teman me watch movie! argh... ehhe..ciao ciao..

alo ppl!

2006-05-02T09:01:00.000+08:00

pic taken during prom immortelle..ugly pic.. >.<

ah..finally get to update..haha..today is the 2nd of may..wah..its been so long since i last update..muahahha....sori ppl..was really bz for the past few weeks.. : ) life haf been quite dull lately...nothinig much happenin..so i ned to haf something to spice up my life..been thinking lately wat life actually means to me..as it is my dad alreadi said im not mature enuff..so i haf to think twice and wonder y he always says tat..work is also dam stressful lately..customers r very demanding..argh!..for the past weeks..this r the few things tat happen and might happen:

1. sister's prom "immortelle" was fun but sadly not many ppl came.
2.shuffling is getting into me.
3.getting to know more ppl? lol..(girls mostly)
4.gainin weight like hell..wtf?!
5.me and my working partner got accused for stealing money?! wtf agaiN!
6.missed almost everyone from skool..so sad..everyone's like studyin and im still sitting herel ike a bum..
7.Going to join some hip hop dancing performance..tats if my dad allows me to..eheh.. 8.kenneth's bday was really fun..i wasnt invited though..LOL
9.hair is getting bigger n bigger! no time to cut hair!..haha..super affro!
10.going to start studying soon..its either TARC or form 6! woot..

so lifes goes on for me..about girls..aih..feel like giving up..but i aint gonna b gay..im still straight as any guy cud b..lol..i feel like this time im just gonna wait for the girls to come to me..prefered girls who like me rather than going after someone who doesnt even haf the slightest feelings for u.. >.< heard jim got gangbang by some malays..he nearly kena rob..so its was really lucky for him not to lose anything but thx god nothing happened to him..jim has a gf alreadi..not bad not bad..haha..good luck to those 2 love birds..sylvia..ur fren dam hot wei..haha..LI MAE! u owe me a testi in frenster..muahaha..SHiau..my partner..hahaa..i think we're most likely to go form 6 together..hahaha..NO MORE COLL FOR ME! sobs..i think..lol..chee seng is gonna help me in my shuffling..dam he is good...hehe..SHUFFLE SHUFFLE! woot..

oh well..ppl i gtg..its 9.20am and i gtg cos ive got work at 9.30am..gonna quit soon..lazy to work d..yay..payday! who's gonna b my date this time? >: )

muah~?

2006-04-19T08:55:00.000+08:00

aloha ppl who misses me..hahaa..its been quite some time since i last update my blog..muahaha..today is the 19th of april..for the past weeks..i went back to johor to celebrate my grandmother's bday..woah..its seriously grand..my grandmother was really happy..as it is she alreadi haf..er..certain amount of grandchildren tat pleases her..hahaha..nothing much happened lately..just as usual..dad rated num1 in nagging! lol~ but i understand he cares for me.. :P so..ive been bz going to colleges..etc etc..zzzz..putting on so much weight! argh..im gonna b some fatty bom bom.. boing boing..today..me and my dota kaki r going to play against 3 diff teams..muahaha..we're gonna thrash all of them..arggh!! single life sucks sometimes..seriously..envied those who actually haf long lasting relationships..duno how they manage to last so long..unlike me..total loser.. >.< haih..hmmm..my hair..getting bigger and bigger..PPL!! wat shud i do wif me hair? leave it? or...make a big big affro! :P well..ive got nothing much to say..as it is its like 9am in da mornin..so ill update later at night.. alious ppl..

NIVLEK!

2006-04-11T21:08:00.000+08:00

hehe..alo ppl who actually care for me..lol..today..im alrite..i bumped into yvonne! she was going to haf brunch* izit spelled correctly? * at shogun! wah..rich girl rich girl..her mom still recognise me! not bad eh? hehe..must b my hair must b it..lol..hahaha..hmm..today wasnt tat fun..kinda boring..though i played basketball like shit..haha..but yvonne somehow brightens up mua day..hahaha..dam fun la bully her.. >: ) and yea i wont forget bout the bet u won.. >.< so let me know ya when ur free..then ill asks lern to ask amanda to go out together..we walked together..chat and hang out for a while..her sister dam tall! or its just me being short..ehhe..well ill b going to johor on this friday! to celebrate my grandma's bday! wootz..long live the queen..hehe..dad finally said i might go to tarc if i manage to get in..which i think 80% i cud..lol..jia yee..shes dam cute la..dam nice to bully her..muahaha.. im into bullying girls now.. adakah anda dibuli? sila dial 111-222-1111 untuk bantuan berikutnya..hahaha..and there's this hongkie girl..her name is..er..oh crap..i think i forgotten her name..lol..i think is kaye..hehe..shes dam nice..frenly though..and she stays nearby my hse! wootz..hehe..go stalk her..muahahha..yawn..today nothing much to talk about..but mornin sucks cos just when i woke up..dad starts to nag..lol..oh well..parents willl always b parents..hehe..well..more to come..btw..how do i get archieves? hmm.. good luck to yvonne..thx to the ppl who reads my blog..gambateh..support my blog all the way..hehe.. thx thx pplx... yvonne..thx for caring..hehe..wei lynn!! u suppose to belanja me movie..grrr..dam..im bored..!

FUCK IT MAN

2006-04-09T23:05:00.000+08:00

this is dam fucked up man..SERIOUSLy dam fucked up..*sori to those out there..im just plain pissed*.. so dam annoyed wif my dad..dam pissed wif him..he thinks im fuckin immature..tat's wat he always say...dammit..im like applying all the collages he asked me to and im doing it..its not like im having so much free time also..somehow everytime i go out also he nags..everything i do also he nags..everything i say he nags..FCUK MAN! ..yea i know..at times i talked i know im kinda rude..but plz understand my situation ..i may seem stupid to u..lazy..but tats my past..i havent even started studying he said i haf no interest to study..i mean like..wtf..how can he simply conclude tat im a good-for-nothing guy? everyone can change..i once said it and im going to say it again..ppl changes..its not like ppl can change overnite..it takes bloody long time..so as i did some application forms online..i accidently applied diploma in technology(quantiti surveying)-campus in penang but i managed to change it to KL campus..but.. he said..he cant afford to send me there..im too immature..my thinking is like a child..so mild..he wudnt wan to spend his money on me.. etc etc..all this bullshits..i cant take it anymore! im ALREADY 18! and he treats me like a fcuking 4 years old boy..i really need him to support me at times like this and this is wat i get...im..im about to reach a dead end road..i dun care man..im going to study at TARC and tats final..im gonna proof to him tat he is totally absolutely wrong about me..tat kelvin he knows is the past..wat he havent discover was the kelvin now..argh..this is super annoying..i mean..the whole course is like max 7k! and he say tat he cant afford to send me..seriously im dam sad now..the only person who i can depend on..besides my mom..turned me down..im..just out of words..THIS WORLD IS SO UNFAIR! ..God please help me as it is..life isnt the way things shud b...though i know my spm results totally suck..but i wan to improve and proof to him tat i can actually make him proud..i cant say anymore..im just too upset..my mom isnt saying anything to convince my dad bout it..somehow im like the black sheep of the family..totally left out..i really wan to prove to him tat i can do it and make my family proud..i just ned him to give me 1 more chance..the last chance..give me a chance to show u tat im a grown up..and im not immature..

p.s. sori ppl..for saying all those vulgar words..its just the anger in me.. >.< hope u guys understand..

hahaha

2006-04-02T23:18:00.000+08:00

hmm..on popular demands..i was asked to update my blog..muahaha.. LOL..sori too perasan..hehe..today..on the 2april 2006..its a very interesting day..for the past days..ever since the last day i updated..it was also fun..eventhough its tiring..hehe..on the 1st day of april..we had this candy floss given out for free in 1u..so i was working durin tat moment till i saw someone givin out candy floss for free! yummy..its been like..quite long since i last ate one..so i went and get one..somehow..eddie the clown came and pick on me..wif my so called *unique* hair..hahaha..so the clown was "kind" enuff to make me a balloon!..just for my hair..he asked me to wear it around 1u..hahaha..and i did! :P hmm..then my another part timer was there..AJ..he went to GIANT to buy REAL cotton and he replace the candy floss with the REAL cotton! and he went to this shop ELLE to give to one of the girls workin there..hahaha..so funny..but luckily i warned her not to eat if not she might haf choked or something.. :P but its april's fool so i dun think she was mad..ehhe..YVONNNNEEE!!! U FFK ME!! how cud u..i waited for u for so long and yet no sms or call from u! im so so so disappointed wif u..so our match is postpone..hahaha..so now u owe me movie,dinner and a date >: ) and nO BUTS! blekkk..so today..im so dam freaking tired!! there was like so many customers! and i cudnt cope..luckily there's another worker there..too many customers..first time!!so stresss..ken visited me alot of times d..very nice guy who actually teman me the whole day! so me and him..we practice foosball when im having my break and then he hangs out in my shop when im workin..LOL..sound so gayness..but sori..i only like girls plx~..no freakin gays..hahaha..btw me and ken got thrashin in foosball..8-1..hahahahha..serious pro players..haf to train more! but then..no more cash!! pao ee sms me alot today..so wat to do? if she likes me..wat am i going to do? she doesnt even know how to speak simple english! argh..dunno la..im gonna get my pay soon~ yay~ .. so who's gonna teman me watch movie? >: ) hahaha... so so..i met suzanne yesterday..she's very nice gurL! very cute..looks cuddly..haha..sweet looking girl! but too bad she's going to penang to continue her studies..hahaha..this wei lynn..she tried to pull a trick on me..but it din work! so i pull my own "special" trick and i managed to trick her! but imagine wat ive said..its true..wat wud she do and wat wud she think ? total jerk? >.< hahaha.. YVONNE! im still angry wif u.. grrrr.. so remember..u owe me alot..muahahhaa..kidding kidding..im nvr angry at u.. so no worries..hmmm..oh well..ill update my blog soon again..if i haf the time..since im workin..its been very hard for me to blog cos my sis and bro wan to use at the same time so i haf hard time trying to blog.. so ppl..sori ar..plz leave some comments bout my blog..cos im having trouble trying to upgrade my blog.. :P

ah..another boring dAY~! grrr..wan to bite someone..

2006-03-29T20:23:00.000+08:00

hmm..today is the 29th march..i din update yesterday if bcos my sis wanted to use for her work..so i had no choice but to give in for my sis.. :P hmm yesterday was kinda dull during work..boss came in and she was like talking so much! lol..50% i duno wat she talking about..or mayb im just so dam blur during tat time..wore some clothes look like those hawaiian pp..but somehow i look kinda attractive though..during break i spent an hour wif chuan mei and jia yee chatting..nothing much..mostly due to personal lifestyle..jia yee straighten her hAIR! omg..y straighten....? curls is always the best..good example here..the one who wrote this blog.. >: ) hehehehehe..shes quite nice girl though..somehow she looks like one of those girls i liked b4 from smk kepong baru..but shes frm smk taman bukit maluri..very frenly though..chuan mei surprised me wid some news i nvr actually heard b4..wow..i must chat wif chuan mei more often..business was seriously dam slow..haih..oh well..today i din do or find anything interesting to do..besides i went to cybercafe just to pass time..meet alot of ppl and enjoyed myself though.. irsyad is a nice guy who always teman me to go cc..hahaha..played very lousy today..lately ive been playing like noob.. >.<>: ) hehehe.. hmm..nothin much to say..more to come tmr! ciaoz ppl.. i miSS yvonNE!

Sweet frenz..no sour ones :P

2006-03-28T01:11:00.000+08:00

ah..today..i mean yesterday..27th march 2006..during work i had so so so much fun today! so many frens came and visit me today..im like super happy..cos cheryl GOT me a prezzie!! its SO So SO sO dam sweet of her..and its dam nice plus its dam unique..some crystal rock thingy from poring ranau..super nice..wat's more she surprised me by visiting me today! aww..so nice of her to visit me after work..haha..im like bugging ppl to visit me at work..sound dam childish though but im happy bout it..ehhe..wat's more..someone shouted my name across the whole 1u i was like..woah..siapa tu la..lol..turns out to b WEI LYNN!! haha..xuyen was there too..my hamsap fren also..SZE keat..tat hamsap fella will fall for any chicks he sees..and one more unknown guy..somehow he doesnt seem to b very frenly though.. >.< wei lynn ar..this girl came and visit me..90% of the time looking at hp..must b some hunks she's msging..hehe..sze keat..slumber walk around like he owns the shop..hahaha..funny guy..very nice guy though.. (sori im not gay)..xuyen..bz eating ice cream and wat's more she haf cough!! grrr xuyen plz care for ur health cos ice cream will do u no good.. :P sound like so grumpy old grandpa.. hehe..but..BUT..it shows tat im concern.. hahaha..good fren am i ? hehe..wei lynn was kind enuff to visit me while she came to buy her mom's bday prezzie..lynn saw some nice shows in vincci..but she say she cant buy it cos not on sale..hmm..i wonder which one izit.. im gonna b some handsome prince who will walk up to her..in 1 shoe..hahahaha..*skool shoes plx* :P work today was fun..4 ppl came in..2 men and 2 women..oldies..but they were super frenly..especially the botak one..asked me bout my life etc etc..very understanding man..somehow i feel tat i know him..mayb he's one of those pastors i know in churchs..oh well..they keep praising my AFFRO!! muahahaha..affro hair not bad eh? :] not many chinese got this kind of unique hair..so i counted quite special..hehe..but not special in a retard way la..hehe..yvonne...remember ar..ur bday im gonna wear skirt..its a promise..trouble is i dun haf any so i wear urs la k? hahaha..hmmm..argh gonna b fatty bomb bomb.. ive been eating and eating but no exercising! grr..ned to exercise..more BASKETBALL!! woohoo.. :P more pumpings and weight liftings..cant afford to b sumo.. boing boing..hahaha..lalala..okiedokie ppl..its like 1.24am in da mornin..freaking tired..and i wanna thx those ppl who actually visited me..sori for the trouble..but i seriously appreciated it..honestly..and xu..take care of ur health..sze keat..dun so hamsap plx..yvonne..remind me on the skirts..cheryl..THX SO MUCH! HUGZ~! ..wei LYnnie..OUR yumcHA! hehehe...ciaoz ppl..and nitez..buhbyez..

ah..tiring day..lol!

2006-03-27T09:12:00.000+08:00

hmm..today..27th march 2006..yesterday haf some fun workin..it was boon sing's last day at work..argh..gonna miss his lameness alot! >.< hahaha..wei lynn msged me and said she is gonna visit me and i was like..yay..someone comin to visit..then she finally said her mom forced her to go back home..aih sad..it was quite some while since i last met her..i think since CNY..and omg..shes gonna move to tropicana!! aih aih..gonna miss my talkative fren..ehehe..somemore she promised me tat she's gonna yum cha wif me and my gang! yer..until now also havent..cis cis..hehe..so today most prob im gonna work at 2pm till 10 again..cheryl said shes working in KBU today..hope to c her in 1u though..yvonne..nice num! u finally change it to maxis..YES LA!! maxis rox~ digi sucks..no offence but it sucks..though digi is cheaper!! yvonne enjoy life la..dinner had steamboat.. 0.o i also wan..hmm..jordan's chick from Aussie, Audrey is like dam pissed wif him..hahaha..cos jordie deleted all his testi he wrote for her..hahha..sad for audrey! so yesterday nothin much happened..so today..its just like 9.20 in da mornin..duno wats gonna happen today..so ciaoz ppl..gonna update more..

-to yvon only-
ur wif calvin? just being curious >.<

-*"mY Past, pResEnt & FutuRe"*-

How Lucky Can I be?

I think, I can say I'm a celebrity! Jk.

Title of the day, Love again.

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

Love is what matters most, indeed.

So many things to learn, it's time to pick it up.

Almost A Month Of Happiness

3 words..

Official. Finally.

She's my woman, she's my world.

Words, small yet powerful.

Somethings made things right.

Simple

Honesty.

B.L.O.G

It's been 2 weeks..

I'm back!

A past of mine..

A question I've been wanting to ask..

A time to bond..

My Dear Superwoman

A secret lover

Dreams..

Romance, something I'm new at.

Time is essential. Only time will tell.

The beginning of a new start.

A post nobody knows but you.

There's a difference in what we long for, what we settle for, & who we are meant for.

Funny how love works.

Awkward feeling.

Finally!

Anxious

Blogging.

Food for thought.

I'm back!

Decision has been made.

A tear shed from the heart

I really miss .... ....

Real smart and mature move

Something's amiss.

Funny how women are.

It's been a while.

Flying So-low~

Hopefully, some sweet memories. But so far it has been sour.

Hopefully..

What did you care about me?

Nothing different

What to do?

Feeling a little empty.

Desire

A life to begin with.

Takes two to tango

I really love the way you lie.

I'm sorry.

So near yet so far.

A moment like this

Tiring day

Weird how a blog express so much with just words and it can change someone.

* It's so boring!! *

* ESP HotDog 1901 *

* Time is essence *

* Another victory *

* CyberFusion *

* feeling awkward *

* Somehow, somewhere *

* I WONDER... *

* Right...*

* life.. *

* light of shining hope *

* feeling lost.. like a lost puppy..*

* undefeated *

* Walking down the moon *

* What are you doing to me?*

* ... *

* To move on *

* I just want Sugar! *

* Eager to know the truth *

* Eager to know the truth *

*You are really someone special*

-"mY Past, pResEnt & FutuRe"-

You are really someone special

Sadness and Frustrations

Story continued