Memories, which reminds me to be a better person..

I've never realized how much I've done towards her. I've never realized how much she means to me in my life. I've never realized.. I'm such a fool.

I remember, as though it was just yesterday. How we met, how I first asked her out for our very first movie together, how we had a very shy moment, how I fetched her in my Fly.FM car.

I remembered, her smile, the way she smelt and her beautiful eyes on our first date. I remembered all these because she means that much to me. She really meant a lot to me.

The best thing that happened in my life, was having her. When she looked into my eyes, when I asked her to be mine. How her tears fall down her cheeks, how I remembered I had to pull off a prank for her not to find out.

I remembered how she always catches my surprises, I remembered how she teared on her birthday with the video I made for her. I remembered how I carried her to the field nearby, with candles half lit but couldn't help it but to feel her happiness with me.

How time flies.. I've done many wrongdoings, pushing her away day by day. Not realizing that till the day she  chose a different  path with me, I was heart broken.

I'm always a hopeless romantic, never seem to see things her way but only to see it mine. I've always been telling myself I'm such a great terrible boyfriend. I've been blinded by my ego, and my need to seek for more attention.

Kelvin, let me tell you.

You, are a fool. You, knew your mistakes but yet you still did it. You, of all person knows she's the one but you chose to make her sad every time.

I'll take many slaps for this. I'll take in anything, even a bullet through my heart. If only she knew that she's the world to me.

My previous relationship falls apart, almost near similarity as how it falls apart now. No, she did not cheat on me but only to lie for my own sake. She knew I'm such a jealous boyfriend, someone who is hot tempered only to find her going out with some guys. She understood me so well, how could I not see that? I'm such a fool, I really am.

I know now nothing will be able to change, her love for me or neither will she ever looked at me the same again. To only realized after a few days, she left the only one thing that brought us both together when she moved out.

I now know, as there are no hope for us to ever hold hands, or even hold each other on our bed telling each other how our love is. If only she knew. If only she knew..

My dear, if one day you come across this post, I'm here for you. With my arms open, telling myself I'm willing to prove to you what I once promised you. I'm still working hard for it, and also I'll prove you all wrong that when you said you don't see a future in us. 

You seem so happy now, the way things are. But with me here, every single moment I've been always thinking about you. Even in my dreams..I only wish not to ever wake up because my dream was about us going through every single hardship together.

I wish you happiness, to find someone whom will love you more than I do. But I'll know it myself, that only I will love you like no other guys do.

You've been my light in the dark, you've been someone who was there for me. I do not understand sometimes.. we are only humans.. we will make mistakes and we'll learn from it..

I thought, we will pull through together, as a team, as a couple, as the only two person in our world.. through our toughest time and through our most upsetting moments.

Please heed to my call, for I only wish for you to give our relationship another try. If I failed to do so, you have every respect and rights from me to walk away from me. I wasn't prepare for this. I didn't expect you to leave so sudden.

Give me a chance to prove myself. Give me a chance to be that person whom you told me from the first time, "the reason why I chose you among all the others was because I see something in you, that you'll succeed".

I WILL! And I'll never back down. I promise you this.

Love, can sometimes test us on how much we are willing to make a difference.

Ee Jia Jing, my dear. I'm your xiao pang zhi. I'm your Imba. I'm your Dear. I'm yours.

My heart aches and cried for many days. Even if I had to put a smile on my face, it is extremely difficult.

My cries and my pleads here, might not carry any weight, might not change the slightest thought in your mind, but only for you to understand that in your life, there is this man who is named Kelvin Imba Ng.. the guy who loves you more than his world.

And right now.. I'm holding the shirt you wore to sleep, to put it on my eyes, because I knew you once cared for me, and I somehow feel deep inside you still do. 

I love you Ee Jia Jing. I'll never change that. I'll never. Please, bring back my smile to my life for nothing will bring that smile you gave me before.....