Just recently on the 25th of April, I had a Cod4 tournament at Tbun Aman Suria. Won first placing for team and 2nd placing for free for all. Prize was not much but we still won anyway.
Pretty much, my life's been nothing much interesting as my daily routine is almost about the same as always. Only just, that i don't have my other half with me this time. It has been 2 months since then. Almost 3 now. Friends were supportive but back in my house, constant nagging from parents.
Sigh. I really don't know what to do anymore. How can a person's heart be so solid hard no matter how much i sacrifice or willing to help that person? Speaking about facing reality.
Nonetheless, i doubt there's anything i can do to change the facts of life. Got to buckle up for my studies. Something is telling me that Cod4 is dying. I don't see the competitive spirit among the players anymore.
Sigh. People changes interest very fast huh.. same goes for love.. What is love all about then?
When one say true love is how both side expressed each others feelings, then how come true love will end so easily without a fight? Giving up when you did not even try? It's like saying that you can never be the best. You can, if only you work your way up.
Gary told me that he believe that i have the capability to be one of the best snipers in Malaysia. That's if i want to work my way up. To buckle up and keep up the consistency. I think what he speaks is right.
Recently, there has been a lot of controversy at my ex's blog. People keeps on dissing on her and discriminate her. I mean like, comon give it a rest. It's been almost 3 months plus this has been going on. Let it go people.
Even I can't do much to change who she wants to be. It is up to her, her own willpower to change into a better person. I think she is trying to. But you people out there are not giving her the chance to step out of the box.
I've given my best and if that isn't enough for her, that means i'm not the one for her. It is her choice to pick who she wants to be with, who she wants to be friends with. You people out there do not have the rights to tell her who to mix with or who she can be with. She chosed what she wants. And that is how things would be like as for now.
Please understand and put yourself in her shoes and think how it would be like when there's the world out there going against you and you have so little people to believe in you. It's not easy and yet it is very stressful.
As for now, only time will heal all matters. Give it a rest people. I only ask this favor from you for those who reads this. Everyone deserves a 2nd chance. If he/she misses that chance, they deserves a 3rd and so on. Life's not all about revenge and anger.
Do not let anger burn and rage inside you as it will only condemn you.
there's only 1 thing, 2 do, 3 words, 4 you.. XD
-kel-
P.s. Love is something that i would not give up and i shall see it around the corner soon ;)
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Friday, April 17, 2009
* CyberFusion *
Me walking down to victory. Lol.
We got interviewed by some hot reporter. It's pretty funny when i'm actually between two huge and tall guys.
The venue
My teammate and myself. Getting ready to register.
*smiles*
My team. ESP botaski. If you ever wonder what is botaski, go to youtube and watch this video clip called CATSHITONE. Awesome anime.
We're not the same height. Or at least i think i'm the tallest. I'm just bending down. Hehehe.
Retarded friend *Meng soon*. Lol. And also one of Malaysia's top Call of duty 4 player.
When you're bored, there's always some way to entertain yourself. Lmao.
My clanmates. Not everyone is here but hey, it's still ESP.
Apparently Gamestah editted this picture for us. Not bad eh?
Waiting for our turn to start.
The computers were great.
The Chart.
Esp. Botaski in action. From left, Mr.Pikachu aka Khoo Yit Meng, me, Holyboy aka Don shue, Quack aka Justin Lim and lastly, Jiat aka Wei Jiat.
When you're bored and stressed out, this is the most suitable item to buy.
Really.
Me and Kitteh's chick.
Pretty much i had plenty of fun. Special thanks to Cathrynn for taking the effort to come and support us although i told her not to bring that eyesore to come but it's the thought that counts, Jasmin too and her bf, Carment Loo who came by to support everyone, Mildred who is our whacko manager and most importantly, special thanks to Douglas for making this event run smoothly.
As for me now, days past so fast that i can't believe I've been actually single for like.. almost 2 months. Things changed so much but yet life still has to go on. I really can't help it when she's sitting with him and did not even acknowledge my existence. Seriously, acknowledge someone is better than ignoring.
Oh well, some people just don't learn from what they so-called mistakes. No matter how much i tried to help her, that "guy" just kept on poisoning her mind. Sigh. I can't help much once she's in his grasp. Only way to help her is to just tie something on to her and pull her out. Honestly, she's in all these mess, only because she made it happen. If she did not talked to him, if she did not meet up with him, all these wouldn't happen.
She said, when she talks to me nowadays, people start talking about her and spreading bullshit rumors. Like i said, if you want to make a change in what others say, you can always prove them wrong when you're with me. Its either you want to or not. What difference does it makes when u go out with that "guy" and other people sees u with him? No difference right? He's just about the same as me? Cos either way also people are still going to talk about you. So what if you came and whisper to me? Let people say what they want to say! So what do you think when you walk in, into pro x and others see u walking in with that "guy", talking so closely with him and whispering to him. How much difference is he compared to me?
Why is your reputation so bad around Dj? Have you ever thought that if you did not talk to "him", people would ever say anything about you? Well pretty much, it was you who started playing with the fire.
Sigh i really can't do much anymore but only hope for the best for her.
Monday, April 13, 2009
* feeling awkward *
Is it just me.. or somehow i always feel her "presence" around me. I always have this feeling that i can smell her hair shampoo around me, her perfume and her voice.. Weird..
Wednesday, April 08, 2009
* Somehow, somewhere *
I really think that only now, words can't express my feelings. Like some say, a picture worth a thousand words.
A word of Courage.
A word of Courage.
Monday, April 06, 2009
* I WONDER... *
How things would be like, if I have not met her at cc.
How i would feel, standing alone in a competition without support.
How it is like to love and to be loved.
How simple things might be.
How my heart would feel with, or without pain.
How it is like to have someone supporting you no matter what you did.
How to please a girl.
How to understand a girl.
How to listen to a girl.
And most importantly,
How to love a girl.
Sigh.
I wonder.. *scratch my botak head*
P.s. Oh btw guys, im botak! :D not exactly bald but its just really really short. Just like some Shaolin Monk.
2nd P.s. My heart still aches.
3rd P.s. RAWR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
4th p.s. I need to win.
Friday, April 03, 2009
Thursday, April 02, 2009
* life.. *
Life is full of lessons. You learn something new everyday.
I wonder what am i going to learn tomorrow.
I wonder what am i going to learn tomorrow.
* light of shining hope *
A slight improvement for today? :D
Or perhaps maybe it's just on my side.
Rawr.
-positive thinking-
Or perhaps maybe it's just on my side.
Rawr.
-positive thinking-
Wednesday, April 01, 2009
* feeling lost.. like a lost puppy..*
I never knew there would be a better tomorrow
But you've come into my life and taken away all my sorrow
My days of sadness are a thing of the past
Because I have found true love at last
My days of emptiness are gone for good
Because you fill a void in my heart that you should
You've opened a window
You've shown me the light
And my love for you will continue to burn bright.
You asked me before, what do i love about you. Let me explain, in a simple poem.
When first I looked into your eyes
each breath became a thousand sighs.
My heart drummed out a thunder beat
I glowed with joy from head to feet.
The hand of love had touched my soul,
as the bell of destiny began to toll.
The tide of love began to rise,
the world was filled with summer skies.
My sodden clouds of cold and grey
glowed with gold, then wisped away.
A brilliant rainbow arched across,
as waves of love began to toss.
The air was filled with lovebird cries,
when I first looked into your eyes.
When I first looked into your eyes,
all time and space were paralyzed
And in that instant, I was shown
a universe I had never known.
I dwell there still, in Paradise,
when I look into your eyes.
But..
I sat there by myself in class, and I was told that she would message me when she is done with her work. And i thought, fair enough, i shall not disturb her and leave her alone to finish up her assignments or project or whatsoever. I waited the whole day, till late night..she finally messaged me. And it was only 2 words. "Got match?"
It wasn't like how are you today?..Or it wasn't like she showed that she cared. She did not bother asking me how i felt today. How lonely i felt today without her. How empty my life is without her laughter, her smell, her smile and her love. She only thought from her point of view that i'm just asking her annoying questions. It is actually, I wanted to know how she was the entire day. To know whether is she alright? To know is she happy today? The way she talks to me now, so cold and i no longer feel the warmth and love she showed me before. The way she looked..wait.. glared at me when i said that the way she message me..it is like i'm a total stranger. Like..i'm nobody to her anymore. If she ever did care, she would at least, talk to me like how we used to. All the jokes we talk about, we laugh about small things and her clumsiness. I really missed those times.
She used to asked me out for almost everything, shopping, work, lunch, dinner, supper, or anything that you can think of. But now, she would rather ask him instead. I'm so lost. Your smile you gave me, melted my heart but yet what is behind that smile?
Have you ever thought of feelings? You said that when you looked into my eyes, you see a lost puppy. Yes, i admit i am very lost now. Without guidance, without you. I don't get it sometimes you always wanted it your way. Can't i have it mine?
She said when she sees me, she don't want me to be angry or upset or talking to her anything got to do with that "guy". I understand. Somehow, it still bugs me someway that my mouth happen to slipped those stupid words. I just wanted to be with her. Stand by her and watch her. Do her work, or play cod4 or eat.
It's been almost 2 weeks since i really spent time with her.I think if i were to count the hours she was with me, i think my fingers can count it all. Sigh. I don't know about her but i really do miss all those moments. It really does seems like, she's moved on. I've come to a conclusion, that it seems like I am no longer important to her in her life. Or perhaps, i may be wrong. IF she only shows more interest in me....
I'm just like a mere passerby. A guy whom she only know as a friend. Nothing more. Maybe less. She really can't see the true pain and agony i'm suffering now. That all my heart seeks is just for her to be back with me again. I don't know how long this will continue.
"The guy" spoke to me last night whether am i wiling to wait for her even if i reach age of 40. I told him yes, i will. "The guy" said, his time frame will be until end of this year. I told him, well..if you really love someone, its worth waiting for her. No matter what shit that happened, i believe that every human have their rights to get a 2nd chance. I'm still waiting for my 2nd chance. I'm still hanging on because she is what i believe in. I am sincere for i believe that until now, i have not betrayed her trust.
From what she is doing now, it only pains me more than ever. I want her to find me more than him. Why him than me? I wouldn't nag or scold much. Maybe a while but then I'll be fine. Let me get use to this. You spent more time with him in this 2 weeks than me now. You told me not to compare. He sees you more often than i come to pro x nowadays. *metaphor*
But today, although it may be very late, she still managed to find some time to visit me at Pro x. By the time she reached, I've already finished my match against CEBU (Phillipine team). Well, its the thought that counts.
"The guy" said that i had like 77% of chance being with her. I don't get it. If i had 77% of chance being with her, would she sms me so super uber short? Would she even go out with him? Somehow i feel he's just giving me false hope. Indeed i was happy when he told me that. But 77%.. 2 weeks, she didn't bother asking me out for movies. She didn't even bother asking me out for lunch. Nothing. Zip. SO is he lying to me? Did he meant 77% is for HIM? He purposely put this picture of him and her together on his msn display. Was the picture taken recently? I don't know. But it seems like it was. And they do look really close. It is as though, he's indirectly telling me to fuck off. I'm the one in between them both. Am i? :(
Again, I don't want to think much. As she told me not to also. And i pray, she will make the right decision.
I don't get it. He could even say that she would "pakat" with me to kenakan him. Means he don't even want to trust her. Sigh...
As I sit here gazing out the window,
Instead of working, I’m daydreaming of you...
And wondering if while you’re in your own world,
You’re thinking of me too.
I reminisce about the day we met and how you made me feel,
Looking at the glowing smile on your face,
Staring into your dreamy beautiful eyes,
Your smell, your touch, your warm embrace
What a special night that was...
And now, I’m starting to feel that warmth inside,
Like nothing or no one else can make me feel...
Butterflies, a constant smile, happy thoughts,
Looking forward to the next time we meet.
What lies ahead, down the road to love?
Can it possibly be what I’ve been hoping for?
All my goals, dreams, passions, hopes...
Glaring now before me with great anticipation.
No one knows what tomorrow brings...
One can only wish and believe...
I have abounding faith that God will take care of me,
And bring the right person into my life.
Could it be you?
Time will tell...
I feel a special bond starting between us,
And so I’m truly hopeful that it is (you).
If you are reading this, I hope you don't think of me being selfish or inconsiderate. I just want you. Things aren't just the same anymore without you. My other half is gone. Empty. Would you melt if you hear me say i love you? Or would you push me away, and say I'm no longer the one? Please hear my cry, for only you shall save my tears and bring back my heart from broken pieces to one.
I'm sorry for I've made my wrong step in the path to know you better. If only you gave me the time for me to change, together with me you shall help me up, to make me a better boyfriend, for i have already fallen and wounded myself. Bie, without you, i doubt i can love anyone but you.
If only you knew......
But you've come into my life and taken away all my sorrow
My days of sadness are a thing of the past
Because I have found true love at last
My days of emptiness are gone for good
Because you fill a void in my heart that you should
You've opened a window
You've shown me the light
And my love for you will continue to burn bright.
You asked me before, what do i love about you. Let me explain, in a simple poem.
When first I looked into your eyes
each breath became a thousand sighs.
My heart drummed out a thunder beat
I glowed with joy from head to feet.
The hand of love had touched my soul,
as the bell of destiny began to toll.
The tide of love began to rise,
the world was filled with summer skies.
My sodden clouds of cold and grey
glowed with gold, then wisped away.
A brilliant rainbow arched across,
as waves of love began to toss.
The air was filled with lovebird cries,
when I first looked into your eyes.
When I first looked into your eyes,
all time and space were paralyzed
And in that instant, I was shown
a universe I had never known.
I dwell there still, in Paradise,
when I look into your eyes.
But..
I sat there by myself in class, and I was told that she would message me when she is done with her work. And i thought, fair enough, i shall not disturb her and leave her alone to finish up her assignments or project or whatsoever. I waited the whole day, till late night..she finally messaged me. And it was only 2 words. "Got match?"
It wasn't like how are you today?..Or it wasn't like she showed that she cared. She did not bother asking me how i felt today. How lonely i felt today without her. How empty my life is without her laughter, her smell, her smile and her love. She only thought from her point of view that i'm just asking her annoying questions. It is actually, I wanted to know how she was the entire day. To know whether is she alright? To know is she happy today? The way she talks to me now, so cold and i no longer feel the warmth and love she showed me before. The way she looked..wait.. glared at me when i said that the way she message me..it is like i'm a total stranger. Like..i'm nobody to her anymore. If she ever did care, she would at least, talk to me like how we used to. All the jokes we talk about, we laugh about small things and her clumsiness. I really missed those times.
She used to asked me out for almost everything, shopping, work, lunch, dinner, supper, or anything that you can think of. But now, she would rather ask him instead. I'm so lost. Your smile you gave me, melted my heart but yet what is behind that smile?
Have you ever thought of feelings? You said that when you looked into my eyes, you see a lost puppy. Yes, i admit i am very lost now. Without guidance, without you. I don't get it sometimes you always wanted it your way. Can't i have it mine?
She said when she sees me, she don't want me to be angry or upset or talking to her anything got to do with that "guy". I understand. Somehow, it still bugs me someway that my mouth happen to slipped those stupid words. I just wanted to be with her. Stand by her and watch her. Do her work, or play cod4 or eat.
It's been almost 2 weeks since i really spent time with her.I think if i were to count the hours she was with me, i think my fingers can count it all. Sigh. I don't know about her but i really do miss all those moments. It really does seems like, she's moved on. I've come to a conclusion, that it seems like I am no longer important to her in her life. Or perhaps, i may be wrong. IF she only shows more interest in me....
I'm just like a mere passerby. A guy whom she only know as a friend. Nothing more. Maybe less. She really can't see the true pain and agony i'm suffering now. That all my heart seeks is just for her to be back with me again. I don't know how long this will continue.
"The guy" spoke to me last night whether am i wiling to wait for her even if i reach age of 40. I told him yes, i will. "The guy" said, his time frame will be until end of this year. I told him, well..if you really love someone, its worth waiting for her. No matter what shit that happened, i believe that every human have their rights to get a 2nd chance. I'm still waiting for my 2nd chance. I'm still hanging on because she is what i believe in. I am sincere for i believe that until now, i have not betrayed her trust.
From what she is doing now, it only pains me more than ever. I want her to find me more than him. Why him than me? I wouldn't nag or scold much. Maybe a while but then I'll be fine. Let me get use to this. You spent more time with him in this 2 weeks than me now. You told me not to compare. He sees you more often than i come to pro x nowadays. *metaphor*
But today, although it may be very late, she still managed to find some time to visit me at Pro x. By the time she reached, I've already finished my match against CEBU (Phillipine team). Well, its the thought that counts.
"The guy" said that i had like 77% of chance being with her. I don't get it. If i had 77% of chance being with her, would she sms me so super uber short? Would she even go out with him? Somehow i feel he's just giving me false hope. Indeed i was happy when he told me that. But 77%.. 2 weeks, she didn't bother asking me out for movies. She didn't even bother asking me out for lunch. Nothing. Zip. SO is he lying to me? Did he meant 77% is for HIM? He purposely put this picture of him and her together on his msn display. Was the picture taken recently? I don't know. But it seems like it was. And they do look really close. It is as though, he's indirectly telling me to fuck off. I'm the one in between them both. Am i? :(
Again, I don't want to think much. As she told me not to also. And i pray, she will make the right decision.
I don't get it. He could even say that she would "pakat" with me to kenakan him. Means he don't even want to trust her. Sigh...
As I sit here gazing out the window,
Instead of working, I’m daydreaming of you...
And wondering if while you’re in your own world,
You’re thinking of me too.
I reminisce about the day we met and how you made me feel,
Looking at the glowing smile on your face,
Staring into your dreamy beautiful eyes,
Your smell, your touch, your warm embrace
What a special night that was...
And now, I’m starting to feel that warmth inside,
Like nothing or no one else can make me feel...
Butterflies, a constant smile, happy thoughts,
Looking forward to the next time we meet.
What lies ahead, down the road to love?
Can it possibly be what I’ve been hoping for?
All my goals, dreams, passions, hopes...
Glaring now before me with great anticipation.
No one knows what tomorrow brings...
One can only wish and believe...
I have abounding faith that God will take care of me,
And bring the right person into my life.
Could it be you?
Time will tell...
I feel a special bond starting between us,
And so I’m truly hopeful that it is (you).
If you are reading this, I hope you don't think of me being selfish or inconsiderate. I just want you. Things aren't just the same anymore without you. My other half is gone. Empty. Would you melt if you hear me say i love you? Or would you push me away, and say I'm no longer the one? Please hear my cry, for only you shall save my tears and bring back my heart from broken pieces to one.
I'm sorry for I've made my wrong step in the path to know you better. If only you gave me the time for me to change, together with me you shall help me up, to make me a better boyfriend, for i have already fallen and wounded myself. Bie, without you, i doubt i can love anyone but you.
If only you knew......
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)