Hopefully..

Hopefully today will be a good day.

A day I've been looking forward for.

What did you care about me?

Tell me one thing you said you cared about me. For the past weeks, what have you actually done to make me happy?

You couldn't even answer me that and yet you say you care. Indeed you do. You cared enough to make me go through pain.

I can't imagine what you think because for my personal thinking, I don't think its language barrier. It's more to "understanding" barrier. When I explain, it seems like I'm restraining you. When I express, it seems like I'm overreacting. To you, everything I do or say seems like I'm holding you back. Don't worry because from how I see it, you just don't care.

Because, if you do, at least maybe I would have known. Little things you do, I do have eyes to see. Little things you do, I can feel. But even from how I see it, there's not even "little things" you do to put a smile on my face.

Maybe I might not be able to see it. Maybe I am blind for the moment but at least I know I did try to do those little things. At least try to make YOU happy.

So don't tell me that you care, because as how people said it, that action speaks louder than words. And also, walk the talk. What you say, you do. Don't just say it and do nothing because that just makes you a total lame person who knows how to talk but not do anything.

I'm not trying to start a fight or neither am I trying to make anybody angry/pissed off, but 9/10 people I've asked said the same thing, that they will instantly reply, for example, simply just this, " if you have any interest in that person and when that person texts you or calls you, you are literally very eager to reply/pick up the call. Right?" Guess you must be different. Therefore conclusion is, you said you care, what did you care about me? I've asked before where I stood in your life and you couldn't answer that simple question.

I may not see the other side of the book and I may not know the whole story, but I've read enough to know how this story will end. Nonetheless, I still m.y.

Will I ever hear your voice again? That's a question that's been playing in my mind. A question that only can be answered by you.



p.s. I don't hate anyone. I just feel left alone. I just feel that I could have someone in my life,that could make me feel like waking up the next day, looking forward just to be with you. Ain't life a bitch. If you truly care for me, I await for you to appear in front of me and show me that you really do care. That's if you can find me. Show me that miracles do happen.

Nothing different

It wouldn't be any difference from day 1 you met me and day 30th. Because you didn't care like I do.

It's ok, I understand where I stood in your life, and I understand a lot of things.

You just don't care. You're exactly what this picture shows. Exactly.

What to do?

What is there to do today? That is the question.

Feeling a little empty.

Somehow as the day passes by, I noticed something is amiss.

I promised to have patience, I promised to challenge myself.

It really seems impossible. But I guess I can say I am trying.

I want to do as what the picture says..

But it really does seems empty without you.


If only you realize..

Desire

Sometimes we look back and think about the things that we wanted, the people who we want to be with, and the people whom we want to become. All these desires comes into play and it all starts from the mind. Taking that first step and making sure that even after the first step, you'll keep moving.

I had a desire. And I still have. In fact I have plenty of desires but can I push myself to achieve those desires?

So I took some time out, to look back on the things I've done in the past, reasons why my life was all messed up. Took a deep breath and start opening up my mind, to set my mind on what my life is all about.
As I looked back, I come to realized that I've been doing it all wrong. Mistakes happens and sometimes we can't stop it from happening. But we learn from it and be stronger!

So I made an approach, to take a new step, to have a new desire and make sure that it is what I wanted. I talked to many people about these and I gotten different feedbacks.

Jess, is someone who made me think a lot ( emo a lot also, hehe). Although it was not long that I knew her, but she taught me a lot, without her knowing or even me. More so, I didn't realized it either. We all learn about the ways of life and the ways of love. She, made me opened up my eyes and made me grow more in sense of maturity. Hopefully I can keep this up.

Funny thing is we're just friends. But I know maybe there might be a "lil more than friends" thing going on but I really enjoy talking to her. Language barrier as she said, I guess this is the opportunity I will take to pick up more on Chinese! 我的中文不是那么糟糕!

So I really appreciate her for stepping into my life.Perhaps, she is my desire and she made it a little different.

And I think that even it is little, different is good. Thank you, Jess Chey Ying Sian!

and of course my beloved sister Melisa Ng who helps me numerous times.

Bunny teeth! muahahah! Don't kill me plx~

A life to begin with.

I figured out so much and yet I've not walked the talk. I really need to stop all these nonsense and be rational and REALLY try to be patient. Something is in my head that bothers me 24/7 and I need to stop all those stupid thoughts.

So I'm heading off soon to Penang, for work of course and I'll be there till Tuesday. I hope I could take this time to open up my mind and clear alot of things that's been going through my head.
I would like to apologize to June for the miscommunication and the misjudgment I had earlier on with and also most importantly to Jess whom I countlessly accused and rant for no reason. Sorry!

Takes two to tango

Annyeonghaseyo and good day people! After much confrontation and complications, I guess it just need a little more understanding and compromising on both sides. Nonetheless, as what this title says now, i stand by it and respect this quote.

It's never too hard to overcome barriers, it only takes a little more effort to make it happen. Normally what you work for, you will get it. Eventually. It may take seconds, minutes or years but hey, at least you know you work for it and you might have a higher percentage of getting what you want.

We must learn to appreciate what we have, or we'll lose what's most important to us.

It's just like us, under the moonlight.

Awesome pose!









But then again, we must know when to tango and when not to. If not, timing is off and all does seems wrong.




Well that's it for now. Another day to look after =)

I really love the way you lie.

Day starts off as I woke up and wash up. Looked at my phone and it was just facebook notifications. I walked away as I sigh-ed, I guess this is how my day's gonna start. Had only 4 hours of sleep, had a great chat with my old friend from high school on skype, Crystal Tan and boy, she still looks as great as ever. She's currently studying to be a doctor in Russia and amazingly in just 2 months, she knows how to speak Russian language! I went and tried googling translate some russian words and I learn how to praise myself. Я смотрю здорово! ( I look great! )

As the day passes, it's all about the same thing over again. Go to work, drive around and go on-air and then back home. But today, things are a little different. Let the pictures do the talking.I get to enjoy The Comedy Club night and it was really a good laugh. Manage to put me to slight happiness but when I got home, I only gotten even more depressed.

How do you learn to trust when the person you want to trust is lying to you all the time? Isn't this just the same as my past? My past who lies to me numerous times but yet I chose to forgive and forget. But as I posted on Facebook before, we can forgive and forget but can we really forget?

Why am I going through so many obstacles when life's only just that simple. It's not easy but yet life's just like that. Plain, simple. Repetitive.

Back to the topic, first of all, why must you lie? So I won't get hurt? So I won't get emotional? What's the point? I've already said it is better to know the truth than to find out myself and it hurts me more than ever. Now that I know, it'll never be the same again. Because I know myself. I tend to be "oversensitive", "paranoid", or "over-protective". Then again I think this time, i deserved to be all that.

I guess I knew how my parents felt when I repeatedly lie to them back in the days. How hurtful it can be for them. Karma must be taking its hit on me now. If lying has a hit button, I think I know how it is like.

Lies. We can't live without them.





And really, it tears my heart into pieces.

I'm sorry.

I noticed, how I always react towards small things in life. Some says it's a good thing, some may not like it. I think, after many overreactions, I would like to apologize to that one person who cared for me, I am sorry. I did not meant to be so unreasonable, sometimes I just say how what my feelings is telling me and honestly, I feel being honest is good.

Unlikely, being honest or straightforward isn't always good. Need to learn how to "jaga hati". I said things that are inconsiderate, without thinking about how it is like to be in her shoes, therefore I am sorry.

It's very hard to change, but somehow I feel that it takes a little more effort to compromise. As the saying goes " it takes two to tango", I really hold on to it for a long time. Literally in almost everything we do, we need to compromise, and also teamwork.

I've learnt so many things in life, that even in family, games or work, we need to work together to make it happen!

I just feel that sometimes, all I ask is to just take a little more effort to help me help you. I guess I must be asking too much..

I'm sorry that I've been so irrational, and unreasonable. I'm sorry for making you wait for me. Give me time to learn to adapt.

So near yet so far.

I've been thinking about how this would work. It will never work unless we learn to let go of our past and move on. It is not easy as it is said but yet nothing is impossible as long you put your full effort and time into it, with proper guidance and help, it will happen.

Feelings comes into play when your heart is not focused. You tend to let your mind play with your feelings and when that happens, we think with what we feel, not with our mind that actually brings us to our senses.

Sometimes the truth is right in front of us but we choose to ignore and be ignorant to the things that cares to us. But then again, I'm not that kind of guy who turns my back to those who needs me most. What kind of person would I be to turn my back when that person needed me the most? Makes sense right?

I felt how he would feel if he were to go through what i had before. I knew it will be painful but yet I guess that's how life is to us. Cruel, but it only makes us become more vigilant and aware how the world is not so "oh we greet you with the most obliging manners" to us. The poor shall be poorer while the rich, of course, becomes richer.

As for now, let's put it that we both have our own goals, our own life to manage. Till we manage ours then only we will manage each other.

Picture says it all. =)

A moment like this

I spent some time with my buddy, Benuari Hong Yi Ming, a friend of 9 years and counting at some mamak at Sea Park after meeting and some gaming session. We talked about our life, our past and what might happen in the future. Keeps me thinking, what have i been doing all these while?

He knocked some sense into me telling me how sensitive I've become and it wasn't him only who told me so. Jess told me the same thing too. Maybe like i posted earlier, my past haunts me. I'm sorry for being like this and I will try to be a better person. It's not easy especially what happened in the past..

I won't blame my past for turning me into an over-sensitive person but I'll look at it as a way to improve myself. Although we can't please everyone else, there's always some way you can put a certain happiness to someone else. Researches proves that happy aura/vibes so I guess it's time to work harder.

One Smile Could Change Others.

My princess always thinks I'm mad at her, but to be honest, sometimes a change in tones doesn't really mean that i am mad. Sometimes I want to be understand and I really don't want to sound demanding. I believe everyone have their own personal life where they are allowed to do as they like. Being controlled isn't something a person would like, most of the time ( although I do think there are people who likes to be controlled).

So let me share a little of this mysterious princess I am talking about. She's charming in some ways, a very unique smile. Funny thing is how we have our language barrier but I would say it's a challenge to me so I can improve myself and learn more languages! Because I wouldn't want to be a chocolate banana for my entire life so learning should be fun. Besides, my pronunciation still sucks like balls but HEY! at least I'm trying. Bear with me. Lol.

She does look at me differently, somehow majority of my friends ( girls ) says I look much better than before, seems like she agrees with them too! Heheheh. Must be my Afro hair that scares them last time. She doesn't seem to mind that I have a comfortable "pillow" aka my tummy =.= so I do feel comfortable at times but still malu-lah! She loves the way I smile, the way I smell, and of course she loves the way I am.

Hopefully things will go well *fingers crossed* and I still have loads to learn. Language, sensitivity, personality wise, and of course, socializing skills.

Oh, I'm with the Fly.Fm Troopers so do give me a holla if you happen to see my sexy car around.






I am just joking lol.




This is the real one. HEHE!



















I guess that's about it for now. Till then!

Tiring day

I don't know but somehow it's just tiring even after i slept for about 8 hours, i went over to Princess's place to "help" her out in her assignment. Apparently i didn't manage to do much, only very little work. Felt bit useless though. Haha.


Princess said my blog is a bit dull so i'll do something about it soon. Maybe add in more colours to my blog and add some extra pictures to illustrate some certain points?

I just got back and its 6.55am right now. So much for nocturnal life.

This is a beginning of a new week and let's see how interesting this would be! Monday blues. Boo!

Weird how a blog express so much with just words and it can change someone.

It's funny to see how one can actually react towards another just by using words. Imagine the usage of words could cause wars and deaths.

It's been long since I've last blogged, as you can see the last date was like ages ago. So i decided to start blogging again, although there might not be much to say as i rather share it face2face.

Well, a little update about myself, I've been working for fly.fm for the past 4 months and it has been a great experience. I'm still learning alot, maybe perhaps one day i shall join the announcers if i am capable of doing it.

I've met someone recently that changes alot in me. I learnt to be patient, but sometimes I just lose myself and i think it is quite silly of me to do so. I need to understand, compromise and evaluate the situations before jumping into conclusions and it is affecting me badly. But it seems i'm starting to be slightly more patient, i hope. It's not easy to change from the past that haunts me but i'll take this as a stepping stone to be stronger.

This girl whom made my life seem so different now, somehow she's like the light in my darkest days. She may not be the best looking girl but she does have the best looking heart. She may not be ready but yet she's always making me smile. Although things with her ex isn't really helping her much in her studies and daily life, from what i can see, i think she's improving. Slowly but surely.

I found time to make changes in my past and now in the present, i need a lot of discipline. No hard work, no results. Think my parents did told me about it before but i guess ignoring wasn't the best idea.

So there's partially what i have to share with my readers. I guess i'll update again, when i can :)